Yesterday we were talking CONFIDENCE…
…In a standing in front of people, delivering a speech on stage, kind of way.
A really obvious one… well obviously..
But actually lack of confidence more often rears its head in less flashy scenarios; in the workplace, at social occasions – even at the school gates.
“Do they like me?”
“Am I boring them?”
“Does she think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”
“Everyone at this meeting is so knowledgeable – I can’t speak up.”
“No-one has bought my thing/read my blog/clicked a like… I must be useless”
It all comes under the almost Universal human condition called
“Not Good Enough”
Understanding that this condition is practically Universal is the key to moving beyond it.
Ask the question: good enough for who? (Or whom – I’m never sure)
This ‘Enough-ness’ is an imaginary and ever disappearing horizon.
The closer you think you are getting to it – the more it will disappear out of view.
It’s like that
- The people you are stressing might not like you – are highly likely to be doing the same
- You are very likely not to be boring them – or they wouldn’t be there listening to you.
- She probably DOES think that you know what you’re talking about.
- They didn’t buy click/read/buy the thing. It might not be the day they were looking for it. Or it might need changing. Or it might get a flurry tomorrow. None of that is about you personally.
- The people in the meeting are wondering if the last thing they said out loud was stupid.
(that’s a whole other thing – I want to go into depth on that one soon. It’ll help)
So this is not about making you feel ‘Good Enough’ or persuading you to think positive, chant mantras into waterfalls.
(that stuff has it’s place)
It’s about walking away from the whole thing.
What people think of you is their business, based on the life they’ve had, the week they’ve had and whether their English teacher was a bit of a bully.
And a million other things that will shape how they react.
(which is almost always more positively than you expect)
You can’t be in charge of all that.
You can barely influence it.
And while you wear yourself out worrying, catastrophising and people-pleasing… the best years of your life are happening moment-by-moment.
We want to give you permission to walk away from all that, get out of your head, and fully into those moments.
All you have to do is be you, here – in those moments.
You are good enough by default.
The rest is just that disappearing horizon.
Best Wishes and Lots of Love