(high five Emma)
…Seriously Concerned
So – of the couple of thousand people who read these emails/blog
each day,
very few are men.
Not surprised – I don’t aim them at them.
We get the rare (very welcome if he can put up with the teasing)
man a FitCamp, none at classes, none at PT
or courses, so whilst they are warmly welcome
I hope they don’t mind if I write lady-stuff.
And I know it’s not a popular view
and it was a storming success of a trilogy
….but I am not happy.
It’s like the World got a bit carried away,
and didn’t really stop and think.
I read those books …
and “Oh My”, the writing was truly shocking
but what was even more shocking – was the subtext.
And I got a bit precious, and then the phenomenon
blew over and I forgot all about it.
But then today I saw the film trailer…
and I know this is going to be worse.
So let’s get this right;
a sweet young girl is swept off her feet
by a handsome man
who gave her everything
and showed her the World…
and taught her the pleasures of eroticism.
And then everyone went to Ann Summers
and bought kinky things
and transformed into raving nymphos.
The End.
Is that how it was?
Umm. Kind of.
But we female types are at the end of
1000s of years of not being equal,
and only in the last tiny moment in the history
of the Universe
getting our shit together,
and men knew that was right.
We evolved.
Together
We live in the best times we possibly could so far.
If you squint your eyes and have a gin and tonic
it might look like we have achieved equality.
It was almost there.
Within grasp (not everywhere on the planet)
but we are damned well voting, and being educated,
and not being beaten and raped without penalty…
and nearly earning the same
and sometimes having the same work opportunities
and nearly lots of things.
We were getting there.
“And in walked Christian Grey”
And found an impressionable young girl with low self-esteem
Here is some stuff I noticed about them:
- She had to sign a contract to be in their relationship
- She was only allowed to eat certain foods
- She had to exercise a certain number of times a week
- She had no self-worth
- He chose her BECAUSE of her low self-esteem
- He made her change her name when she didn’t want to
- He micro managed every aspect of her life
- He arranged life so he could ‘own’ her
- and a million other little disturbing things
Because it showed him he loved her.
He exercised such complete power,
and mind control over her
that it felt better to be in that position
than not.
Because she was at a pretty low ebb
to begin with.
And I am not even going to get into
the sex part.
This email would, as ever, be way too wrong.
But women fixed their gaze on his eyes
on the satin sheets
and the expensive clothes
and the complete adoration
that they didn’t see the wood for the trees.
Because their husbands were not Christian Grey
they were just decent normal blokes
with normal jobs
who did normal things.
In this day n age we normally call theirs
an abusive relationship.
Sometimes we call this stalking.
When you hear these kinds of details
on the news
it is usually when they are locking
up the bloke for her murder.
And nobody saw it coming.
She never said anything.
I saw the news last night.
I don’t want to talk about it.
That poor, poor girl and her family.
And his family.
There’s a campaign at the moment aimed
at young people.
My son got a leaflet in his A-Level
stationery pack
Aimed at alerting young people to exactly
these issues.
Because these behaviours are the gateway
drug to domestic abuse.
Even the government know it.
I read the books.
They’re page turners.
I can see why everyone got carried away.
Sex is sex.
Nothing wrong with the kinky stuff.
Each to his own
Floats your boat and so on.
I know married couples who are rocking the
extremely kinky stuff
and it’s all working out great for them.
It is not the theme of these books
but that subtext that worries me.
And the repercussions for real young girls.
It’s released Valentine’s Day
and everyone will go and see it
Even those who don’t read books.
And Valentine’s night will be on the whole
kinkier.
Which will be great for some.
And for those unused to such things –
will be not so great for others.
And our girls who have grown up in a climate
where their boyfriends have learned about sex from porn
and are shocked at anyone with the hair they naturally have
(do you know how young girls are when they ‘shave’ now?)
if you have little girls – it may be worth having these conversations.
(you know why it’s called a Hollywood, right?
all that hair messed up the camera shots)
and consider porn sex to be real
and think they should behave in a certain way
a way their parents would cry about.
It’s like we are punching the Suffragettes in the face.
This film will be accompanied by excitement
and titillation, and probably some memorable evenings.
But some darker things too.
I would put money on some assaults taking place.
And hangover regrets
But also a major slipping back of the progress that
women have made.
Another shift of what is ‘normal’.
What used to be classed as ‘My First Porn’
used to be finding an old, nasty,
sticky Razzle under a bush
and laughing about it with your mates.
Now look at what our children see.
Whatever you can find, be damned sure they can
find much much worse, for free and quicker.
That’s their reality.
Equality.
Really is an opposite of submission.
The hardline religious groups
even in THIS country
still preach that a woman must submit to her husband.
Why is that then?
Really?
Surely we are humans all working together
and in the same way the Germans are embarrassed
of the war,
I am sure men are embarrassed at womens
previous subjugation.
So why am I writing this?
Simple message really.
We are better than this.
Women deserve better and men do too.
Men didn’t do this – a woman wrote it.
Our sons and daughters deserve to be inspired
and uplifted and shown the amazing stuff that
this planet of unbelievably talented humans do
And create
And make
And discover
But not this.
Freedom of expression, and speech,
and kinky stuff, and passion, and sensuality
YES YES YES
But not this.
Whatever you think you need
or lack, isn’t going to come from
a Christian Grey
or an Anastasia.
Or those roles reversed.
Not in the long run.
The way their attention makes you feel
– the way the lack of it does.
It’s about you.
Pilot of your plane..
(Talking of which, on a flight the other day, the pilot
was female, all the cabin crew were male, except for
the flight manager – who was female.
I thought that set up was refreshing
and showed how far we’ve come.
Not better – just sort of cool.
TOTALLY irritated a drunk bloke on the flight –
remind me to tell you the story. It’s funny.
We didn’t need an in-flight movie)
Your decisions and how you decide to be.
And it really is about our sons and daughters too.
We have a responsibility
to grow up as a species.
At some point.
And stop letting people make obscene amounts
of money peddling unhelpful distasteful dangerous ideas?
Grand Theft Auto is rather also vile
but at least it’s not masqueraded as a chick flick.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::