Win at Life
The Liking Principle
Why being liked isn’t just pleasant – it’s powerful
This one might feel obvious at first glance. Most of us already know we’re more likely to go along with people we like. But it’s worth deconstructing. Because behind that everyday truth is a psychological principle that shapes conversations, decisions, and outcomes often more than we realise.
The Liking Principle, part of Robert Cialdini’s work on influence, explains how our sense of connection to someone can make their ideas more appealing, their requests harder to refuse, and their presence more persuasive.
It’s not always about admiration. Sometimes it’s just a moment of shared humour, a familiar perspective, or the feeling that someone sees the world in a way that resonates with us.
Liking lowers defences. It smooths interactions. And it opens the door to influence in subtle but significant ways.
Where It Shows Up
The liking principle turns up in places we often overlook.
- People are more inclined to buy from someone they feel good about
- Colleagues tend to support the ideas of those they connect with
- We’re generally more forgiving of mistakes when we feel warmth towards the person
These aren’t just quirks of personality – they’re consistent patterns in how humans relate and respond.
Why It Matters
This isn’t about popularity contests or people-pleasing. It’s about recognising that connection changes outcomes.
In conversations, in negotiations, in relationships – the presence or absence of likeability affects how others engage with us. It can tilt the balance between openness and resistance. Between “I’ll think about it” and “Let’s do it.”
If you’ve ever felt that your ideas were overlooked or your input undervalued, it might not be about the content. Sometimes, the shift comes from how familiar, approachable, or human we allow ourselves to be.
That warmth isn’t fluff. It’s leverage of the respectful, non-manipulative kind.
How to Apply It (Without Feeling Fake)
This isn’t about trying to be liked. It’s about creating genuine rapport – the kind that makes communication easier and relationships stronger.
- Find common ground – shared interests, experiences, even small everyday details
- Offer real appreciation – not flattery, but honest and specific acknowledgment
- Be relatable – perfection can create distance; vulnerability invites trust
- Let small imperfections show – they’re often what makes us feel real to others
There’s a difference between performative charm and authentic warmth. One tries to win people over. The other invites people in.
The Budd-hish Take
From a more contemplative point of view, it’s worth paying attention to how quickly we form impressions. That sense of “I like them” or “I’m not sure about this one” often happens before we’ve even registered why.
Our minds make snap judgments. Fast. Often unfairly. And often without checking in with our values.
In Buddhist psychology, this is linked to vedan? – the immediate feeling tone we attach to experiences: pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. It happens automatically, but it doesn’t have to define how we respond.
Being aware of that moment, the space between reaction and action gives us choice. We can notice the pull to warm to one person and cool from another, and gently ask: is that about them, or about me?
True connection sometimes asks for patience. It’s not always instant. And the real growth, as ever, often happens just beyond our first impressions.
Real-World Patterns
- People are more likely to donate when the person asking feels familiar or similar
- A colleague who shares your humour or values might get more support for their ideas
- The same advice is more likely to land if it comes from a friend than a stranger
These aren’t accidents. They’re reflections of how influence and emotion are linked. Liking softens us. It makes us receptive. And in many cases, it’s the difference between being heard and being ignored.
A Tip
Liking can open the door.
But only real connection keeps it open.
This principle isn’t a strategy to “win people over.” It’s a reminder to relate to other people with warmth, curiosity, and interest. These are the human traits that build trust and mutual respect.
Because when people feel seen, they tend to listen. And when they feel liked, they tend to care.