The news today was full yet more findings about how girls aged 10-14 are becoming increasingly unhappy,
the increase in sexual harrassment,
even crimes, at school and college – and the role of porn in all of this.
And excerpt from our previous blog post on 50 Shades of Grey:
And we know it’s not a popular view and it was a storming success of a trilogy….but we weren’t happy. It’s was the World got a bit carried away and didn’t really stop and think. We read those books … and “Oh My”, the writing was truly shocking but what was even more shocking – was the subtext. And we got a bit precious, and then the phenomenon blew over and we forgot all about it.
So let’s get this right; a sweet young girl is swept off her feet by a handsome man who gave her everything, showed her the World…and taught her the pleasures of eroticism. And then everyone went to Ann Summers and bought handcuffs and kinky things and transformed into raving nymphos. The End.
Is that how it was? Umm. Kind of.
But we female types are at the end of 1000s of years of not being equal, and only in the last tiny moment in the history of the Universe starting to try to get our shit together, and men knew that was right.
We startet to finally evolve. Together
If you squint your eyes and have a gin and tonic it might look like we have achieved MORE equality. It was getting there.
Within grasp, but not near enough; but we are damned well voting, and being educated, and not being beaten and raped without penalty and nearly earning the same, sometimes having the same work opportunities and nearly… lots of things.
But in other areas we were nothing of the kind.
Moving in the right direction, slowly..
“…And in walked Christian Grey”
And found an impressionable young girl with low self-esteem. Here is some stuff we noticed about them:
- She had to sign a contract to be in their relationship
- She was only allowed to eat certain foods
- She had to exercise a certain number of times a week
- She had no self-worth
- He chose her BECAUSE of her low self-esteem
- He made her change her name when she didn’t want to
- He micro managed every aspect of her life
- He arranged life so he could ‘own’ her
and a million other little disturbing things that showed her he loved her.
He exercised such complete power, and mind control over her that it felt better to be in that positionthan not.
Because she was at a pretty low ebb to begin with. And we are not even going to get into the sex part.
But women fixed their gaze on his eyes on the satin sheets and the expensive clothes and the complete adoration – that they didn’t see the wood for the trees.
Because their husbands were not Christian Grey they were just decent normal blokes with normal jobs
who did normal things.
In 2016 we normally call theirs (Ana and Christian’s) an abusive relationship. Sometimes we call this stalking.
When you hear these kinds of details on the news it is usually when they are locking up the bloke for her murder.
“Nobody saw it coming. She never said anything. He seemed like a nice chap.”
The news over the last year has been heartbreaking. There was a campaign recently aimed at young people.
The freshers getting their A-Level stationery pack have leaflets aimed at alerting them to exactly these issues.
Because these behaviours are the gateway drug to domestic abuse. Even the government know it.
We read the books. They’re page turners. We can see why everyone got carried away.
Sex is sex.
Nothing wrong with the kinky stuff.
Each to his own
Tickles your fancy, floats your boat and so on.
We know married couples who are rocking the extremely kinky stuff and it’s all working out great for them. It is not the theme of these books but that subtext that worries me.
And the repercussions for real young girls.
We see in the news today HORRIFIC statistics about sexual harrassment by school age girls AT school.
From our boys who have grown up in a climate where they learned about sex from porn.
Sex acts and naked pictures are the norm at a time that they all used to be shy about first kisses. And boys who are are shocked at girls having the hair they naturally do.
(do you know how young girls are when they ‘shave’ now?)
if you have girls – it it is worth having these conversations. (you know why it’s called a Hollywood, right? all that hair messed up the camera shots)
Children interviewed consider porn sex to be real and think they should behave in a certain way a way their parents would cry about.
It’s like we are punching the Suffragettes in the face.
Another shift of what is ‘normal’.
What used to be classed as ‘My First Porn’ used to be finding an old, nasty, sticky Razzle under a bush and laughing about it with your mates.
Now look at what our children see. Whatever you can find, be damned sure they can find much much worse, for free and quicker.
That’s their reality.
Equality.
Really is an opposite of submission.
The hardline religious groups even in THIS country still preach that a woman must submit to her husband.
Why is that then?
Really?
Surely we are humans all working together and in the same way the Germans are embarrassed of the war,
By now surely we should be at the stage that embarrassed at women’s previous subjugation.
Sadly, we are nowhere f*cking near.
So why are we writing this?
Simple message really.
It’s 2017
We are better than this.
Young boys and girls have grown up in a World of iPhones and unlimited access to everything that they could ever be curious about.. and find things they weren’t even looking for. At the time of their lives they are MOST curious and MOST interested in their growing bodies. And porn LOOKS like sex education – but it is such a bastardised view of sex, devoid of tenderness, and consent, and love. Just a World when women are up for it, that men MUST perform and everyone LOOKS perfect, down to the tiniest detail.
No-one wins from this. They are all living up to an ideal which doesn’t exist.
Normality is permanently skewed.
They can’t unsee that stuff and childhood innocence can’t be reclaimed.
A whole generation of children living in an internet World that their parents don’t even understand. Your daughter goes on Periscope? Ill tell you what, within 15 minutes she will be asked to expose herself, or worse. Naively, she sends a photograph of herself to a boy? Every boy in the school will see it. That’s HIM living up to the same pressure that she felt when she sent it. This is not exaggeration – this is the World they live in while we struggle to send an attachment in an email, or get Netflix working. And all of this stuff isn’t just out there – it’s normal – and it’s their daily lives.
Our girls deserve better …and our boys do too.
Our sons and daughters deserve to be inspired and uplifted and shown the amazing stuff that this planet of unbelievably talented humans do
And create
And make
And discover
But this???
Freedom of expression, and speech, and kinky stuff, and passion, and sensuality
YES YES YES
But not like this.
The porn industry is reputedly worth 14 billion a year. And our young people are their up and coming customers.
It’s not a coincidence.
And it’s not just pretty people DOING IT any more.
It becomes more extreme each year.
BDSM has no entered the mainstream the way that extreme violence, drug taking and murder are the staples of the Hollywood Blockbuster.
It’s not necessarily wrong but it is noteworthy.
It changes our emotional landscapes and the ‘shock’ bar has risen to the point we can’t see it any more.
We have a responsibility to grow up as a species, and to work out where all this stuff fits.. and if it does at all.
To take responsibility for our children properly, and speak out when we don’t agree with what’s out there – not just accept it because it’s too big to deal with.
Businesses – even films/books like 50 Shades obscene amounts of money peddling possibly unhelpful, certainly distasteful and arguably dangerous ideas and ideals that children ultimately emulate.
Had Christian Grey been a moneyless, struggling minimum wage worker do you think Anna would have been so ready to sign her rights away and subject herself to the things she did. And how do you feel about the concept of exchanging money for that kind of treatment?
It’s not just censorship – freedom of speech and choice is vital – but to give it a context, and background… and empower our young people to know what life is REALLY like.
Not just how it looks in the films.
It doesn’t make them happy.
That’s been proven beyond doubt.
We believe that children have the right to grow up feeling safe and happy.
Little boys AND little girls.
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Your core values.
What YOU believe.
Get to grips with your mind, your food and your body.
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Who want to change everything because YOU want to.
For you.
For your health and your happiness… not anyone’s idea of what you should be.
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