Win at Life
Element: Healthy Mind
Definition:
The idea that the physiological response of an emotion lasts only around 90 seconds – unless you keep reactivating it with your thoughts.
90-Second Emotion Rule:
Jill Bolte Taylor
Neuroanatomist
Ted Speaker
This concept was introduced by neuroanatomist and Ted Speaker: Dr Jill Bolte Taylor.
She found that when an emotion is triggered, the chemical response surges through the body and then dissipates within a minute and a half …
unless we keep the loop going with our mind.
What it is – and why it matters
The rush of adrenaline.
The thump in your chest.
Flushed cheeks.
It’s your body leaping into autopilot, responding to a stimulus with a burst of emotion. Anger, fear, embarrassment, joy, desire (steady…). The signal has been sent and received before you’ve even had a chance to assess things.
And then, biologically, that’s the end of that. A 90-second surge – and you can move on with your life, unhindered. Unless, of course, you hit replay with your thoughts.
The chemical cascade of the emotion is short-lived – over before you can boil a kettle (or run yourself a cold shower). But the story we attach to it can make it feel endless. This is something I learned from a fantastic Buddhist nun. When the penny dropped for me, it was a genuine AHA (out loud) – or more accurately, an ohhhhhhhhhhh I’ve been such a moron, moment.
If you can wrap your mind around this concept, it’s genuinely life-changing.
Because this is where the real mind power lies: not in stopping yourself from feeling something, but in realising when you’re re-fuelling it – fanning the flames and keeping yourself chemically in that place.
While the 90-second surge applies to any emotion, the rule is most useful when it comes to unhelpful ones – things like anger, fear, shame, panic. (I would imagine wouldn’t be too worried about how long joy lasts, for example.)
And we do tend to obsess about the difficult stuff much more than the positive. That’s our negativity bias at work – a built-in tendency to give more weight to threats than treats.
This idea matters because it puts a sense of agency back in your hands.
You do get to do something about this.
We can’t stop having strong emotions. But once we know that, in 90 seconds, those intense chemicals will be leaving the bloodstream – it’s much easier to ride it out.
Consciously taking a breath, releasing tension in the body, and deliberately letting it go means we don’t feed the emotional bonfire.
It’s not about suppressing emotion.
In fact, almost the total opposite.
Feel it.
Notice it.
Let it pass.
Feel the emotions leave.
Know when your body has moved on – and your mind is what’s keeping the emotion alive.
Examples
Road Rage
Someone cuts you up.
Your pulse races, your jaw tightens, your foot hovers over the brake.
You mutter something sweary.
Biologically? That’s it.
The emotion’s chemical surge has 90 seconds of airtime, unless you start crafting a story.
“People can’t drive anymore. No one has any manners. Typical Gen Z / Boomer / Millennial / Gen X. This country’s gone to the dogs. I blame the government. No one respects me. That’s the day ruined. This always happens to me.”
Replay. Re-fuel. Reactivate.
Now you’re late, tense, and still arguing with the evil BMW driver in your head.
The Spousal Snap
You’re both tired – it’s been ‘a day’.
They say something snippy. You say something snippier.
Your face is hot.
Your hands are tense.
And technically, that’s the end of the chemical part.
Unless you keep reliving it. Rehearsing what you should have said.
Replaying the injustice. Building your case for the prosecution..
Going in for Round 2; bringing up everything you’ve ever felt hurt about.
That’s not your chemistry anymore – that’s your mind fanning the fury flames.
The Lost Compliment
Someone says you did a brilliant job.
You feel a flicker of pride (or self-consciousness), then move on.
But positive emotions run on the 90-second rule, too.
Let the good stuff land.
Let it linger and marinate.
This is a great time to ride the wave of our tendency to ruminate, just in a better direction.
Things to think about:
- Can you remember a moment when you kept an emotion going long after the situation ended?
What story were you telling yourself?
- What physical cues tell you that an emotion has taken hold?
(Tight chest? Shallow breath? The urge to compose a strongly worded email?)
- How might it feel to let the wave pass without jumping on your surfboard?
- Which negative emotions do you tend to linger in – and are they helping?
- Could you experiment with letting a positive emotion last a little longer – deliberately staying with it for the full 90 seconds?
A Buddh-ish Take
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
– Jon Kabat-Zinn (father of modern Mindfulness)
Waves of emotions will inevitably crash on your beach. That’s not the problem.
It’s whether we let them recede – or chase them down into the sea… shouting, that drains us.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is nothing – just notice, breathe, and let the tide roll back out.
Optional challenge
Try a 90-second emotional reset.
Next time a strong emotion hits: irritation, shame, panic, rage, resist analysing it.
Don’t talk yourself out of it.
Just feel it.
Don’t escalate it.
Set a timer.
Close your eyes.
Breathe slowly.
Watch the physical sensation rise, peak, and begin to fade – because it will.
Then ask yourself:
Is this still happening – or am I just poking the emotional bruise?
Let your body move on, and give your mind a rest from rehearsing pithy putdowns and imaginary mic drop moments.
Buddhism teaches that we need to train the mind to achieve happiness.
This is a great emotional dumbbell.