Desirable Difficulties
Desirable Difficulties is the idea that certain challenges, friction, and discomfort, the desirable difficulties, are benefits in disguise.
These helpful obstacles make learning feel harder in the short term but help it stick in the long term.
What it is – and why it’s useful
Psychologist Robert A. Bjork wrote about Desirable Difficulties in 1994 in his research on learning and memory. He found that some conditions which make learning seem harder at the time can actually improve long-term memory and the ability to apply what you have learned in new situations.
The key point is that what feels easy isn’t always effective.
One way of learning can feel safe and familiar while you are doing it, yet do very little to build real progress.
Another way of learning can feel more awkward, more demanding, and less immediately satisfying, but it helps you retain and understand much more.
It is a toss-up between comfort and growth.
The point is that not every difficulty is useful.
Some stress is just draining, and some environments are genuinely harmful. Some pressure is too much, too soon, or just misery for its own sake. (You are allowed to enjoy yourself).
Spotting the difference has to be an ongoing project.
Warning signs that a difficulty has drifted into the harmful zone can include persistent dread, ongoing exhaustion, a sense of hopelessness, or a loss of motivation to keep going.
If you find yourself stuck in a state of constant anxiety and overwhelm, unable to recover between challenges, it’s probably a signal to ease back or change the plan.
A worthwhile challenge should feel stretching, not soul-destroying.
Living permanently in beast mode, no pain, no gain, might impress some people, but it is rarely effective in the long run.
If it puts you off altogether, makes you miserable, or has you waking in the night in a cold sweat, the means don’t justify the ends.
The other end of the spectrum can be problematic, too.
If we treat all discomfort as an alarm bell – awkwardness, challenge, uncertainty, correction, messing up – as if something is wrong, then we end up playing things too safe, and stagnating.
Sometimes it means you are learning (See also Plateau of Latent Potential).
It is also worth noting that feeling anxious is part of the normal range of emotions, and we are meant to feel the full range of emotions.
Feeling anxious when something is new, difficult, or vulnerable is often a reasonable response, not automatic proof that you are in the wrong place. That is different from anxiety becoming persistent, overwhelming, or serious enough to need proper support.
If you notice that anxiety is lasting, intense, or interfering with your daily life, it can help to take a break or talk things through with someone you trust. Asking for support is an important part of staying healthy and looking after yourself.
So this isn’t about dismissing those experiences.
Recognize that some temporary anxiety is part of being stretched, and you can safely increase your tolerancefor it.t.
That feels especially relevant now.
We live in a culture that regularly tries to make spaces softer, gentler, and more inclusive. Much of that is correct, wise and overdue, but it does pose a risk of blurring some important edges.
What begins with kind intentions can slide into overprotection and, in the long run, limit people from realising their full potential.
Psychological safety is not the same as permanent comfort.
A genuinely helpful environment still leaves room for people to feel stretched, challenged, corrected, to mess up, and to be out of their depth at times. But also one where people can tolerate those things without being shamed, beaten down, or humiliated.
While Bjork’s research focused on learning and memory, the same pattern often appears in other areas of life.
The wobble is not always a sign to stop, but a sign of development and growth.
Real-life examples
In my dance classes, I know that following me at the front feels easier for the dancers. They can relax as I demonstrate and cue the next move. Occasionally, I split them into groups so they can watch each other from the side. This sparks a brief “Oh hell, don’t leave us” panic, but being on the spot pushes them to remember the moves and become vulnerable, which always accelerates their improvement.
At the gym, doing a heavier squat may feel tough at the time, but then you come back stronger at the next workout.
At work, feedback may sting, but it often leads to sharper thinking and better output.
In conversation, telling the difficult truth rather than a comfortable lie can help the situation move forward with clarity.
It can be tolerating the awkward, annoying beginner stage of something you want to get good at.
In life, choosing the version that makes you take a breath and dig in, not the one that makes you run home for a box set, duvet week.
Desirable difficulties stretch people.
Undesirable ones overwhelm them or keep them stuck.
Try this today
Pick one area where you want to grow and ask a better question.
What kind of difficulty here might actually help me?
- Closing the book and testing yourself?
- Making the awkward phone call instead of another tortured night of thinking about it?
- Trying again with less hand-holding and more self-reliance?
- Letting yourself be a beginner for long enough to become competent?
The aim is not to make life harder for the sake of it, but to recognise that easy isn’t always useful.
Some things to think about
Is there somewhere in your life when you know you sometimes choose comfort over progress?
Do you tend to take the familiar option over what would actually stretch you?
Is there somewhere that the challenge has tipped past desirable into something that is simply too much?
The desirable difficulty sweet spot is between boredom and collapse.
One way is to ask yourself, “Does this feel challenging in a way that makes me curious and motivated to keep going, or am I hating every minute and dreading the next step?”
If you notice you’re learning something new but can still catch your breath and talk about it over a cuppa, you’re probably in the right zone.
- If it’s grimness or exhaustion, it might be time to ease up.
- If it’s all comfort and chill, a bit more stretch could help.
Paying attention to your energy and mood can help you keep testing your limits productively without leaving you frazzled.
Optional challenge
Pick one specific area of work, health, learning, or life this week, and deliberately add one small, useful difficulty.
It could be testing yourself with the book closed and your notes out of sight.
Having the tricky conversation in real life rather than sending a text.
Doing the slightly harder workout/run/class.
See if you can spot the difference between what feels good in the moment and what helps you grow.
Writing down three wins each day, however tiny, is a useful way to keep track of your desirable difficulty breakthroughs.
Noticing these changes over time can help you see how you’re progressing, and your successes stacking up make the effort required more rewarding and motivating.
A Buddh-ish take
“By effort and heedfulness, discipline and self-mastery, let the wise one make for themselves an island that no flood can overwhelm.”
– The Dhammapada
Growth asks so much more of us than comfort does.
But the good news is that the effort doesn’t have to be all at once, nor does it have to reach the point of collapse.
Just enough, and often enough to make you better.
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