I’m a bit bushed.
I won’t lie.
Self imposed I suppose.
Not body tired.
Body’s about the same as it always is.
Does the job.
Doesn’t let me down much.
Pretty OK with how it looks in undies.
Ooh while I am on the subject ….
I didn’t tell you about my head, did I?
Well Christmas Day…in the evening.
Lovely family, mirth and so on.
Food YUM.
A beef thing – bordering on illegally nice.
And then had a box to put in the recycling.
Nip out and do that.
SO the timeline, as far as I remember it, was this
Open the door.
Why the f&ck am I sitting on the floor.
Get up.
Really hard to get up!!!!
I am not even drunk yet.
Weird.
I need a wee.
Go for a wee…
what the hell is dripping on my neck?
Ah.
It would be my head.
And a rather enormous open wound leaking impressively.
Hmmm.
I’m going to bed.
Because someone has put one of those photo filters
where it is all black except for the middle bit…
on the whole of my house.
Morning.
What the hell is that ENORMOUS puddle of blood
on the path.
And why had my hair turned to wood?
And why is my pillow red?
And it’s heck-a-icy underfoot.
OH.
I THINK I SEE.
Piecing the thing together,
I was probably out for a couple of minutes
(from the bang they thought was me putting the bins out
but turned out to be me using my head and the path)
as a rudimentary gong…
So this is not the blog I just wrote.
That one was LONG.
(I have just deleted it and am quickly scribbling this)
It had quotes and research and reasons and evidence.
But I told you I’m tired.
I had been inspired by a really top lass
who wrote to me tonight about a FREE FITCAMP
that she had just gone along to.
…that was anything but.
I knew what she was going to say next, but I didn’t know
quite how hilarious it would be.
I really felt that we could warn you
about certain big companies that know it is January,
and that you feel dreadful…..and take advantage of that.
And having taken a breath
I have decided not to.I’m going to leave it
I was going to show you why.
But actually – I am ignoring the important.
We have 70 ladies this month that have
FOR NO PAYMENT AT ALL
Taken part in a healthy eating, mindfulness
and exercise plan.
With food in it.
You know, dinners and things.
Butter.
Avocados.
Curry.
An abundant food list, 50+ recipes…
making it work for phones and iPads
and laptops.
Things like that.
And they are changing their lives.
Themselves. In a really cool, clever way.
Not through being aggressively upsold
soy protein.
(seriously sitting on hands now)
I went out to my studio and spent a few hours
recording workouts for them
then I came in and bought royalty free music
and spent a lot more hours putting captions on,
and little introductory sequences
and recorded audio tracks to explain the exercises
I’ve probably spent an hour or two every day writing
information for them so there something new to read.
We’ve logged in (and sometimes not managed)
to webinars and Films
and discovered truths.
There have been epiphanies.
I like an epiphany, especially midweek.
And Claire sat for hours with her planetary brain and her voice
recorder and recorded special Mindfulness exercises
and relaxations…to help them get their head right.
And we delightedly answer questions all evening
so that the group are empowered and educated
about what they are eating..
And more.
And it’s a pleasure.
But I am tired.
I am tired of people being shafted up the bum every January.
(actual technical term)
I am tired of instructors (I was talking to one earlier)
being deliberately put out of business by people who
have to make their participants sign such ridiculous
“we take no responsibility” forms.
As they are unqualified and can’t get insurance otherwise.
That is what they are TOLD to do, incidentally.
I am tired of the thousands of pounds and untold hours
that professional fitness instructors and ACTUALLY TRAINED
nutrition experts…..
being made a mockery of by people who are basically selling
milkshakes with literally NO QUALIFICATIONS
under the masquerade of running fitness classes.
And being told that ‘at least they are doing something for the community’
I was going to pop down to the free hairdressers
later to get my roots done later.
(Man that’s gonna sting)
And then maybe across to get a meal at the free
Italian restaurant in town.
And then of course…I am sure someone wouldn’t
mind doing my ironing for free.
Got to be someone..
No?
I am tired that a fitness professional told me today
that she has to avoid the gym
as a woman from the school run insists on free personal training
every time she goes there
(and she does it. As she is a lovely girl)
Of course this could be the concussion speaking…
But I am going to go to bed
(did I mention I was tired?)
Because I have some dance to choreograph
for my class tomorrow.
And some healthy food plans to write for some Personal
Training clients next week.
And a (paid for) FitCamp to run in the morning at 6:30am.
I will leave the multi-million pound companies
to undercut, to squeeze out, and peddle their
milkshakes….
You get.
What you pay for.
There really is no such thing as a free lunch.
And powdery stuff mixed with water is not what
I class as lunch.
I like a nice Greek Salad and charred Tuna
all things being even.
But I genuinely wish you all, whatever regime
you are trying in January – every success.
Personally, I boringly only want to offer an honest
effective service
to people who value it.
Sadly I can’t offer:
- Shortcuts
- Magic Pills
- Transformation Shakes
- 3 dress sizes down in 2 weeks
- Groupon
But I can make sure you get REALLY properly healthy
and strong, and lose your extra fat in a way that stays gone.
and that you change what you do permanently.
And Claire will get your head right.
In an uncomplicated way.
Because you choose to.
I appreciate that is way less sexy.
I recommend you try the free one,
and the quick fixes first.
Just in case I am talking nonsense.
Let me know.
(Grown-ups only)
Tanya x