there are some things that men are just better at.
*takes cover for incoming fire*
(No genuinely – not sexist, just wildly sweepingly generalising, don’t shoot me, yadda yadda).
So, men (in my experience and anecdotally) tend not to say:
Can I ask a question?
Do you mind if I make a suggestion?
They just (sensibly, in my opinion), ask the question or make the suggestion.
They tend not to need permission to be in the room, have their voice heard and get answers.
They don’t second guess, try to judge how things will land, or work out how to pitch it, in advance.
If they have arranged to go and play tennis, they generally… go and play tennis, as they’d planned to.
To meet their friends, as arranged.
This is not a criticism.
I will add #notallmen for those who’d like me to, but I mean it as a compliment.
Men won’t usually feel guilty if they leave their wives with the kids.
They’ll tend not to feel the need to leave detailed instructions for their wives when they have to stay overnight and call every three hours.
They won’t feel obligated to answer emails from their boss at antisocial O’clock.
Or calls from their mother, if they have settled down in front of a film.
(Of course, unless they want to – and they won’t feel bad about that choice, either.)
And this is exactly as it should be.
Not knocking it even a little bit.
Quite right too.
It’s an important concept to wrap your brain around.
We could call it the patriarchy at work.
Meh – I’m not getting into that.
I’m interested in the future and how we all move forward together.
They are just, generally, a bit better at that stuff.
And women are a bit worse (#notallwomen)
I talked about Willpower and Motivation yesterday, but actually, there is another factor that can get in the way of what you meant to do.
I call it – The Squeeze.
Women often make sure that the children are sorted, the schedule is organised, the home admin is in order, the housework is up-to-date.
They’ll often work later to meet deadlines, (and squeeze in racing across town for the school run, swimming lessons and spaghetti bolognese) in the same day, and back to finish off after the children have gone to bed.
Women are often the ones who look after the extended family, the pets, the friends and check in on neighbours.
Squeezing their goals in around the edges.
Plans, bucket lists, hopes, dreams, hobbies, interests, ambitions, happiness, friends, fun…
What they discover:
(because frankly, all of that’s insane – and if you had to employ staff to do the number of hours you put in – you’d need at least 3-4 people.
and they’d be complaining about working conditions and human rights etc)
I’ve added it up – I’d put money on the fact that you couldn’t afford you.
There aren’t really any gaps at the edges.
OR energy to fill them/maintain that level of workrate.
You selflessly, consistently meet everyone’s needs until you’re frazzled.
Then blame yourself for feeling as though you haven’t done enough with your life.
That the house isn’t nice enough.
Not making enough progress at work.
Or not fitting into last years jeans.
(or seethingly blame someone else for not being a knight in shining armour or fairy godmother saving you from all this)
Everyone’s dancing the dance that they always have.
We’re busy and we know all the steps.
This is what happens.
You do what you do, he does what he does, she does what she does, they do what they do.
Or don’t do.
It isn’t about fault.
There is a problem with the choreography.
(Excuse the dance analogies, but it’s my thing)
New steps can be learned.
With the courage to teach your rhythm to the other people in your world.
(Not you dancing to someone else’s drum).
To put an end to people feeling put upon, seethed at, resented, invisible, pressured, disrespected, taken for granted, confused about what they’ve done wrong…
You begin with realising that The Squeeze exists.
Then picking it apart.
Putting only the essential things back, more elegantly and cleverly than before.
Like we started to do in the 5-Day Declutter – but tackle head-on in Human Upgrade.
So your life isn’t squeezed –
…and just flows.
And only once things flow
do you get to choreograph your dance.
Working out what that even is,
How you want to dance it,
And where you want to take it.
(and who you want to dance it with)
With energy, time and permission to dream bigger.
Of course I know that all of this doesn’t apply to everyone.
I wouldn’t dare suggest that.
But I know that some of this applies to everyone.
You know what part that is for you..
We’re here for when people are ready to change things for the better.
To help you address the fundamentals.
Recognise the moving parts and how they fit together.
Decluttering your life so you can see the woods for the trees.
Neutralising the overwhelm.
Mastering your time.
Helping you work out what you actually want.
Giving you tools and courage to make big dreams your new reality.
Making sure you are happy and healthy in the process.
With the support of a Sisterhood – to make sure you love the journey.Doors open on Wednesday.
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