<<<Back to The Most people’s inner-critic says things that they would never dare say to anyone else. If you know that this is you, we can help.
Research has found that the more people criticise themselves, the slower their progress over time. The research showed they were less likely to achieve their goals, their thoughts literally working against them rather than for them.
We have found find that many people’s internal narrative is like a really dastardly documentary maker, making a ridiculously biased film about their own lives. And we know that the way that we think affects our emotions, motivation and potential accomplishments
If you followed the most worthy, saintly person around and only filmed them picking their nose, eating a whole tub of ice cream and having road rage… then other people’s opinion of them wouldn’t be so favourable.
Do please stop doing this to yourself: dwelling on the bad stuff, second-guessing what people are thinking about you and deciding it’s bad. Not doing things ‘in case they don’t work’, calling yourself nasty names.
You wouldn’t put up with someone doing it to your friends, so please offer yourself the same kindness.
You are comparing your unfair documentary with other people’s highlight reels and you actually know this deep-down.
Changing your inner voice takes discipline and practise, but it’s worth it.
If you’ve ever seen Harry Potter or read the books…
(total Harry Potter nerd here, I carried on reading out loud long after the children had fallen asleep!)
…then you’ll know that saying the word ‘Voldemort’ out loud was pretty much akin to shouting the F-word across the checkouts at Waitrose.
But in your life – there are words that are much more dangerous.
The things you repeatedly say to yourself, the ones that have no real basis in fact. Those that you would never say to a friend because they are way too mean. They can creep up on you and you have probably been doing it so long it is now a habit you hardly consciously notice.
A woman that was on a course we ran told us what she noticed her inner critic said and she was a bit gobsmacked.
Essentially she had noticed another woman’s shoes.
This was the train of thought…
“Wow what beautiful shoes. Oh my goodness, my shoes are so old. Why did I even wear them here? The heels are even chipped. I could have polished them. Do you think she’s noticed? I never get time to polish my shoes. I never get time to do anything like that. I can’t remember when I last polished the children’s shoes? How am I so disorganised? My poor children deserve a mum like that. I am such a crap mother.
From admiring someone’s shoes – to being a bad mother… in 4 easy steps.
Self-Sabotage 101
“I never stick at anything”
“I could never do or achieve what so and so did”
“I am so disorganised – everyone seems to have life sorted”
None of this is based in fact, repeatedly telling yourself things like this will wear you down.
Your subconscious mind hears and stores this kind of thing and does not distinguish them from facts.
You will start to believe them and then you will start to become them.
The good thing is, powerful words work both ways.
Whether you call it the Law of Attraction, Positive Thinking, or Self-Belief.., the power of your words is very real. Invite the good words/people/situations/things in, absolutely. But nipping the bad ones in the bud is just as important.
It is not fluffy, ‘out-there’ feel-good rhetoric, research bears this out, having a supportive internal voice can increase self esteem, confidence, resilience and physical wellbeing
A study at The University of Lethbridge found that students needed to learn and understand a three-level process in order to acquire positive self-talk.
First, they needed to develop an awareness of the nature of self-talk, both positive and negative.
Second, they needed to acquire new strategies to change negative self-talk into positive self-talk.
Third, they needed to implement positive self-talk into their daily interactions.
It is possible to retrain your inner voice to be self-compassionate like a wise and supportive mentor, or a kind friend who’s encouraging you to see things in a clearer, more balanced way, to help you remember that no one is perfect and to be kind, understanding, and accountable to yourself.
Place a rubber band around your wrist and every time you catch yourself putting yourself down, snap the rubber band.
This acts as the pattern interrupt and allows you to make this unconscious habit conscious again.
So the secret is to shift your attention – what positive thought may be generated by that negative label, for example, when you call yourself disorganised, consider the upside; that may mean you are juggling many demands and therefore are spontaneous or flexible?
That will not only divert your thinking away from the unwanted thought but channel it towards a positive self-image.
for example: ‘I am kind’ ‘I am enough as I am’