Struggling To Speak Up?

This will help.

(Full training in the HU Vault) Here we are ^^^ with some Human Upgrade members talking after our training on ‘Speaking Up’ on Wednesday.In Human Upgrade, (the W&G Membership that helps you win at life), we’ve spent the last week or so doing some work on Speaking Up.I’ve picked out some of the highlights from it that you can use – in case YOU need to have a difficult conversation.. or so people better hear what you have to say.

Why is it important to speak up?

Your Silence ISN’T always golden.NOT speaking up can be mistaken for you approving of something you don’t.

• If you don’t speak up, but have ‘the hump’… it will cause a bad atmosphere – that the other person doesn’t understand.
• If you stay quiet, let it build…then explode later – no-one will have seen it coming.
• They genuinely might not know
• What’s obvious to you – may not be actually obvious.
• You might have an important piece in someone else’s puzzle
• They are not a mind-reader, any more than you are a fortune-teller!

When is it important to speak up?

• When the big picture is worth it.
• If what you want to achieve is important enough to have the conversation – you have to have the conversation.
• If you feel as though you are reaching the end of your tether – don’t wait. Do it before that.
• When you know the pain of staying where you are becomes greater than the pain of having the conversation – it’s time.
• If the situation is intolerable or even getting worse – it has to be now.

On the training, we covered the neuroscience, theories and behavioural psychology around why it’s sometimes so bloody difficult to speak up. If you need to speak up / have a difficult conversation,
here are some simple tips:

• Explore where your ‘speaking up’ issues might come from. Was it discouraged in your family growing up? Has it backfired before? Have you lived within a social, family, or work culture that made it difficult? See if you can work out your Speaking Up story and if that affects how you approach it now. This could help, all by itself.
• Tactical Empathy (see our blog for more on this on www.wiseandgorgeous.com). Work out what the other person has to lose – by you asking for what you want. What are the potential gains? Arm yourself with this info, like a salesperson overcoming objections. View your conversation as skillful and armed negotiation, for a more successful outcome.
• The Spoon (see W&G blog on this). If you are holding the spoon – you get to speak. The other person has to listen until you pass them the spoon. And then you have to listen. This way no one interrupts and you get to finish your thoughts. It is highly effective in arguments. We talked on the call about how my spoon was a drag queen spoon with boobs and a wig. This elegantly brings together my therapeutic training and the fact I used to run children’s birthday parties.
• Put your big girl knickers on. Sitting in uncomfortable situations is a case of breathing and holding your nerve. Be calm. Take your time. Be prepared. Stick to facts and logic. You won’t die of feeling uncomfortable.
• No Dutch Courage. Don’t do this over a bottle of wine. Trust me. Don’t do it.

Do you find it easy to speak up? Difficult? Have you felt the fear and done it anyway?We’d love to know your thoughts about Speaking Up in the Wise & Gorgeous Inner Circle

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