Alright
Not exactly.
But stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this.
I think.
Claire and I were on a train, and the woman along the carriage a bit
caught my eye.
I couldn’t work out why, but she seemed SO familiar.
Anyway we went back to the conversation about flatulent commuters,
and Claire said: OMG doesn’t that woman look like ____________.
WOW – that was it, SPOOKY, perfect doppelganger for someone we know
(not on this email list, please don’t start getting paranoid)
BUT
With really excellent hair (flattering golden, choppy, chin length arrangement),
really stylish, feminine trouser suit, subtle make up just right.
All in all, groomed, up-to-date and confident looking.
And I know this isn’t cricket, but we were documenting the day anyway
so I snuck a cheeky photo of the lookylikey.
Just for posterity.
Completely forgot about it until yesterday when I bumped into the woman we know.
“AHHH look at this, we saw someone on the train that looks SO like you!!!!”
Showed her the picture.
She seemed a bit shocked.
She agreed…the woman looked like her.
“Wow – I wish I was brave enough to have my hair like that, it looks amazing!!!!”
Why don’t you, then?
“I wouldn’t have the guts…my hair’s been like this for twenty years.”
Obviously I couldn’t let that one go – because I hear that sentence a lot.
And also she is a very intelligent woman.
I have borderline ridiculous hair.
And next month I will probably have a different colour or style or maybe I won’t.
It doesn’t take courage at all.
You just sit there with a coffee and a book.
In fact it is usually the hairstylist who is bricking it.
It’s just hair, it grows back.
Women have the luxury of hair freedom.
One of our few cultural and biological advantages.
We are not going to go bald.
We are allowed to go grey and dye it… or add bits to it.
Without anyone sniggering and pointing.
Just for Men is a brown paper bag style purchase, even now.
Silly, but them’s the facts.
Women are allowed short, shaved, long, curly, bleached, red, pink, edgy, safe, pretty, classic.
Without people looking twice in the street.
Men…they can have smart or bald it would seem.
(incidentally,men reading this…women really don’t care if you go bald – just please cut it short
because Michael Bolton hair is a whole new problem you don’t need)
Anyway – back to the interrogation.
It seemed that the friend’s hair is how she sees herself.
She would have LOVED to have done something different with it.
She had actually wanted to for years.
I will be honest.
Her current hairstyle is very aging.
It really is directly from the 80s, complete with the kind of highlights that make you look grey.
She has a pretty face and hides it under glasses that are for a woman 10 years her senior
and the colour really washes her out.
Which is none of my business at all except…she thinks the same.
And she brought it up.
In fact – as we talked – it seemed that, unprompted, the way she looks has been getting her down.
What was freaking her out was the idea that, the way she looked is how she thinks of herself.
“That’s just me, this is who I am – I’m the frumpy woman”
Looking in the mirror each day and feeling (I am quoting), frumpy, old and boring
was still preferable to doing something different.
It is such a similar reaction from people that want to lose weight.
Illogical – but no less paralysing.
That’s the ‘bravery’ part.
I know, as I have seen it, that when people DO eat better, and DO exercise
and all the other things they KNOW they should do about that thing they don’t like.
It works.
Can take a while if you do it properly and don’t compare a healthy lifestyle with crazy-arse, temporary quick fixes.
But it always works. 100%.
(note: Yes, you lost 2 stone with Slimming World in 6 months…but you wrecked your metabolism in the process and have now put on 3.
Fast weight loss is easy… just look at people in parts of the World who do not have enough to eat.
Keeping it off and not having a miserable life in the process is quite a different thing…)
From an application for The Project, that a woman called Ella had filled in :
Q. What have you tried before?
A. Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Herbalife, 5:2, SlimFast, Maple Syrup and Cabbage Diet (wtf?), Cambridge, Dukan, Atkins….
Ah.
Lots of quick fixes that added up to a serious weight problem.
Q. How do you feel about your shape and general fitness?
A. I think this is just me – I’m the fat girl. I will never be slim. I’ve just got a predisposition to putting on weight. I’ve really tried everything…
But I always end up eating stuff I know I shouldn’t – I just can’t keep diets up.
Except exercise – I am too big for that, although deep down I know I should. I kind of accept it, but want to give it one last try.
This is how she saw herself.
The Fat Girl.
So the minute things start to go wrong, she thinks it’s a done deal and gives up – because there’s no point – she’s the fat girl.
The ‘Frumpy Woman’ who knows what she wants to change to make herself look the age she is,
but couldn’t quite bring herself to take that step.
and the ‘Fat Girl’ who is doomed to failure before she starts.
…share an image of themselves which is set in stone.
Immoveable.
And they live up to it..
And if they were happy the way they were, then that would have been fine,
but they are not daft girls, they are grown up, professional women who know better.
And they weren’t happy.
No amount of persuasion could change the image of themselves that they have in their heads.
It HAS to start with the mind.
The rest is just detail.
Humans resist change.
Mental patterns are even more stubborn.
It’s in our nature.
Both knew what they ‘should’ do to get what they want, but the idea of changing what they have always done is too scary.
It is only when staying where you are becomes MORE PAINFUL than doing something about it
that many of us will step outside of our usual way of doing things.
The friend asked me this morning if I would send that photo to her.
And she’s sent me a couple of hairstyle photos to see what I thought.
She’s been doing some thinking…I will keep you posted on that one.
The applicant has (and I have told her I am writing this) thrown several stubborn tantrums over the past 6 weeks in The Project…and to cut a long story short…the penny has dropped and she has become somewhat addicted to power walks and quinoa.
(Which she previously described as ‘soggy cat litter’)
First time since junior school P.E. she has exercised.
(she managed to forge a ‘time of the month’ note for the entire time at secondary school)
Once you accept that the is no special law of nature that applies to you..
that you CAN get fit, you CAN change your hair, or your job, or your shape or your hobbies
that you won’t burst into flames or have a cardiac arrest from someone not liking your jeans..
You might even get up early for a month and LOVE doing FitCamp…
(even though you couldn’t possibly….)
Then you can shift that image in your head of what’s possible.
Sounds like new age/hippy/guru guff – but it is actually TOTALLY true.
Of course there are ways to get you there with much less pain.
Training the brain to think differently, is exactly like Ella’s powerwalks.
Hard at first, but the more times you do it, the more natural it becomes.
The more people make sure that you do it… (friends, partners…us)
The more the habit forms and becomes the new you.
So nothing to rebel against – just how you do things now.
The haircut is like the initial decision….
Always the hardest part.
Project Bookings are opening soon
Tasks every day.
Completely online
With us kicking your arse and holding your hand.
6 months
To change your life.
The Project – click for information
For our brilliant and FREE training on how to break the diet cycle – Click the picture