Good ones, bad ones… we’ve all got them.
This is the stuff that we have done over and over
so many times, that we are able to label it as
‘unconscious’.
We are SO used to doing it this way that we don’t even have to pay attention anymore.
It has now become involuntary –
good huh!?
Saves time and brain space –
unconscious is under the radar,
we can get on with other stuff while the habits all take care of themselves.
Now we are right back where I started – we all have them,
good ones… and bad ones….
And here’s a thing, what if the labelling out of date or at worst is faulty.
Another exampIe of Automatic Thinking.
Rather than good and bad it might be more useful to think about things in terms of
what gets you where you want to be, and
what holds you back
What is getting you healthy, happy and living well … and what is not?
“If you always do what you’ve always done,
then you’ll always get what you’ve always got”
Henry Ford
Obvious really.
“You CANNOT change a thing with the SAME THINKING that got you there”
So the first thing is beginning to notice
all the things that you do that are habit.
All the times that you are on auto pilot
this is one of the things that Mindfulness helps with brilliantly.
Learning to notice what is going on in any given moment,
using your thinking and feeling and behaviour
as the way to check in with yourself
and get a look at all the under the radar stuff.
When you go for a walk in the woods,
easiest to choose to walk where all the other feet have already been.
The nice obvious path, all you do is follow it.
It takes concentration and determination and repetition
to stamp out a new path.
If you stomp through the undergrowth once and go home
it very quickly goes back to the way it was.
But if you come back every day and stomp some more,
then you start to set out a new habit, a new preferred way,
one that is going in the right direction.
Hard graft at the beginning;
under the radar unconscious becomes out there and noticeable.
If you eat snacks on the sofa in the evening,
when you stop doing it then you are left sitting with
the feeling of being bored and wanting crisps.
“As you stomp through the woods on the new path
you will scratch your legs and get muddy feet”
– important to notice this too.
This is the stuff that gets you off the new path
and straying back onto the way that feels easiest.
Once you start to notice the hidden habits,
this can be the things you do as well as things you think or say,
you can start to notice what is nourishing you
or is getting you near to your goal and what is fooling you or holding you back.
Whether it is always going to the biscuit tin
in the afternoon or a crafty cigarette once the children are at school,
spotting the habit is the first part.
Then noticing the other factors;
The Cue/triggers, boredom, hunger, work stress, hectic kids, low blood sugar,
someone else going for a smoke, pouring a glass, feeling low, tired, working hard
The behaviour, reaching for the biscuits, cigarette at the same time each day,
…the evening snacking.
The satisfaction/reward, this is the short term gain
that we get that keeps us invested in the habit.
The reward is the bit that makes shifting the habit tricky.
We have a desire for the habit because we want it to provide us with the reward.
The reward is often only a short quick hit,
sometimes replaced pretty quickly with guilt.
(which lasts much longer)
Eating biscuits if you aiming not to,
is in conflict with other efforts in your life
so the yum of the snacking is kicked out by the internal reprimanding afterwards.
This is when all that noticing can start to earn its keep;
you can put all this info to good use,
mindful noticing has given the opportunity for a pause.
You can find yourself on the way to the kitchen and you can create a break in the cycle…
All good so far.
Spotted habit.
Found the pause button
But, what to do about the reward?
The bag of Maltesers?
The fag?
The half bottle of Pinot in the fridge?
it will be the lack of pay off that makes harder
to keep that finger on the pause button.
Here are a couple of hacks to help:
The smoke break,
It might also be about getting a break from the tasks you are on,
if you are with colleagues,
it may be the chatter.
Try leaving cigarettes at home,
got to go to a lot more effort and go to the shops if you cave in,
Try a walk in the fresh air to get a break, go with a friend.
The snacking/biscuits,
Check if you are hungry,
if YES try and choose high protein healthy alternative.
If it IS low blood sugar the apple is a good replacement –
cures the sweet hit and keeps you fuller for longer.
Stock up on what’s good and keep he junk out of the cupboards,
if it is not there then you have to make a real effort to get down to the Co-Op.
If it is just boredom then a change to the routine even
just changing chairs and buying a new book or app for you phone
or buying really posh stuff for the bath.
Great Netflix series, Podcasts, Books, Run Around the Block
one lady last month gave up the ciggies
by making Fimo models and keeping her hands busy that way.
Work out what is going to trip you up BEFORE it does
and have a handy alternative at the ready.
There is no time like NOW.
The good stuff happens when you make time
to start noticing what is going on.
Really starting to pay attention,
mindfulness of your actions,
you can see all the areas that needed a bit of a review,
All the thoughts and excuses you make for carrying on the old habit,
for just taking the well-trodden path .
And you can use this noticing to put
in place things that will better fit in the gap.
The rest, is down to your ever-developing WISDOM
that always accompanies regular with Mindfulness Practice.
And willingness to stomp out a new path,
a more satisfying route,
invent new rewards that don’t come back to bite you on the bum ten minutes later.
Be patient with the bits of you that you find that are resistant
and determinedly and patiently experiment.
Here’s a really short video that explains that idea:
p.s don’t forget to drain your sprouts
Lots of love
xxxxx
Resources
^^^ Password: bluebells