How To Win Friends & Influence People
We cant talk about friends without giving a nod to one of the all-time best-selling self-development books:
How to Win Friends and Influence People,
By Dale Carnegie
Some of it feels a little simplistic by modern standards – but sometimes simple things are useful to consider the relative merits of.
How to make and keep great friends:
1. Don’t criticise people. At all.
Carnegie says: if you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive!
The same goes for Condemnation and Complaints.
Be a ray of sunshine, and people will come to bask.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
It always brings out the best in people – if you can do less of point 1, definitely do more of point 2.
3. “Arouse in other people an eager want”
EH?
The book was written in 1936 so language has changed a little.
What this one goes on to encourage is to communicate with people; respectful and cognisant of their points of view.
Meeting them where they are and arousing curiosity – just as we did with the romantic relationship tips is a great way to connect
If you can enmesh your ‘wants’ with their ‘wants’ – that’s a winning combination for something even better for both of you.
4. Become Genuinely Interested in other people.
To make lasting friendships, the most important thing is hearing about them… not them hearing all about you – tempting though it can be.
If you make a concerted effort to really listen with fascination, and ask questions next time you’re in company – watch how those friendships bloom.
5. Smile.
It’s powerful. It makes people feel good. They want to be around you.
A happy by-product is it makes you feel good too.
Whether you feel like smiling or not, you’ll release the same happy hormones as if it were involuntary.
6. Remember people’s names.
People feel really valued if you remember their name.
If you’re like me and struggle with remembering names, keep a notepad to hand with names and clues (long hair, round glasses) etc..
People pay fortunes to have things named after themselves, or get personalised number plates with their name on, that’s how attuned we are to hearing and seeing it.
7. Talk about the things they love
.Firstly, you know they are interested in the subject (and you won’t run out of things to ask/hear) but more than that – you being interested in their ‘treasure’ feels very bonding and intimate.
8. Make people feel important
…by using all the tips above.
Listening carefully and actively, being friendly and interested – appreciating their time – will pay off in warm interactions where everyone feels valued.
And, Carnegie assures us – more friends than we could dream of.
If you haven’t read it definitely – do one day, it’s a classic and still one of the most iconic personal development books of all time.