Home Alone, or Alone at Home at Christmas.
I promise this is the last focus on Christmas tribulations and pitfalls.
We are almost ready to move on to festive cheer.
Just one last serious, but important thought.
What if you’re not with who you want to be with, this Christmas?
If you are choosing to spend Christmas alone, or it’s just how it’s working out, and you’re OK with that – fantastic, have a great one.
After all, it really is just a day.
But this is for those who are not looking forward to the solitude so much.
Maybe it’s just you, your thoughts and a cuppa, or even a room full of people – who are not the ones you want to be with.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room –
LONELINESS AT CHRISTMAS.
Understanding Loneliness:
Loneliness doesn’t make a reservation; it just turns up.
It’s that gnawing silence in an empty house or that feeling of being disconnected in a crowd.
And on Christmas morning, when everyone on the internet seems to be #blessed, #myworld #perfectxmas #family.
it can feel like you’re the only one missing out.
According to a study by the Mental Health Foundation in 2023, 77% of people who experience loneliness generally reported feeling more lonely during the Christmas period.
If we consider that around 9% of the UK adult population often or always feels lonely
(as reported by the Office for National Statistics),
this percentage would represent approximately 2.1 million people in the UK.
The study also found that people who were already feeling lonely were more likely to report feeling even more lonely during the Christmas break.
Not that it helps, but if you’re feeling lonely at Christmas, you are statistically not alone.
Bereavement
Facing Christmas without a loved one is like walking a route you know really well – but under a different sky.
Everything is recognisable, yet everything feels altered, wrong, and unfamiliar.
No one understands the full mind/body onslaught that is bereavement until they are bereaved themselves.
As someone once told me, it doesn’t get less sad – but the gaps between the sad times get progressively longer.
I think that’s accurate.
The first birthdays and anniversaries are hard.
But there’s something about the first Christmas without them that is like having your heart pulled out without anaesthetic.
I’ve wracked my brains, and spoken to bereavement counsellors, but I’m sorry.
There is nothing I can write here to help very much if it is the first one.
You just have to get through it as best you can.
It’s OK to feel that void.
Perhaps light a candle for them, or raise a glass.
Let their memory be a part of your Christmas, in as gentle, or comforting way as you can.
Go through the photos, or don’t.
Reminisce about stories, or don’t.
Go and scream in the woods, at the sea (my personal favourite), or into a cushion.
I once smashed up an old broken printer with a mallet.
Maybe don’t do that… there was a lot of clearing up.
Don’t hesitate to seek support from bereavement groups or counsellors, especially if facing your first Christmas after a loss.
Seriously.
Divorce and Separation:
If this Christmas is a silent night because the kids are with their other parent, it can take your breath away.
There is a bereaved quality to this kind of loss too.
It’s normal to grieve this, to miss the noise and chaos.
To question yourself, your decisions, and your choices.
It’s worth taking a moment to remember that the moment they are back with you, it will be as though you never felt like this.
And if your children are grown up and your nest is empty this Christmas, it might just feel too quiet.
There is something about the first Christmas Day that they are not with you but doing their new ‘grown-up things’.
It is a very obvious reminder that we are moving on to a new phase in life.
As everyone says ‘I wasn’t ready…’.
It’s tough but It’s also OK to find a silver lining, maybe in a day of fun, indulgence, or peaceful reflection.
Maybe this is the time to start a new tradition, something that’s just for you.
Rediscover an old hobby, or maybe, just maybe, treat yourself to a Christmas getaway?
Scheduling video calls throughout the day is a really good idea, that will take the sting out a little.
Feeling Alone in a Crowd:
Sometimes, feeling lonely isn’t about being physically alone.
It’s that sense of disconnection.
Maybe in a transition life stage, or some other reason that the people you’re with, are not your people – at least not this year.
If you’re feeling this, it’s okay to step back.
Find a moment for yourself, a quiet corner with a good book or with headphones for a little while if you can.
If it seems likely – plan ahead for moments of disconnection, like arranging a time to have a call with a close friend or planning an activity that brings personal joy.
Creating a Fulfilling Solo Christmas:
If it’s just you, I would encourage you to plan it, in advance.
Even if that plan involves binging the entire Friends Box set, and eating chocolate and pizza.
Or the full Christmas dinner.
Listen to your favourite music, dance around the house, take a long bath, go for a walk somewhere beautiful, drive to the beach, to London, to the highest point in the country.
Take little presents to friends or neighbours, if you do want a little human connection.
Just because you’re flying solo this year – doesn’t mean you can’t spread some cheer.
Maybe there’s someone you know who’s also spending Christmas alone. A quick call, a message, or even an invite for a cuppa could mean the world to both of you.
Try to imagine those times that you just wished for a day to yourself – and what you would have wanted to do.
Make it a day that celebrates you.
Christmas alone doesn’t have to be a lonely Christmas.
It’s a chance to do things your way, to find joy in the quiet, in the simplicity.
It’s a day – and it’s yours to fill with whatever kind of merriment or otherwise you choose.
Action:
- If you are on your own on Christmas Day, could you write yourself an itinerary that you would look forward to?
- Is there someone you know who might also be feeling a bit lonely this festive season?
How could you connect with them? - What new tradition could you start this year, something that’s all about celebrating you?
p.s. if you can keep away from alcohol that will help, but if you are going to raise a glass – maybe don’t get too wasted.
It amplifies whatever you feel and that’s a dangerous game of emotional roulette