BLAME Recently I seem to have heard the same story told in different ways, with different main characters. It goes something like this: Person X gets frustrated with person Y. Because person X needs person Y to do certain things, or BE a certain way In order that person Y can have/do/be have they want. So an example from yesterday: Julie needs Max to be home to put the children in bed by 7:30 on Wednesday nights (to come to my class – excellent reason) For the past 3 classes she has tried to come to – Max didn’t get back until about 7:50pm. His excuses to date have been: He forgot He couldn’t get out of a meeting Heavy traffic Obviously #1 didn’t cut it with Julie. She almost tore him a new bumhole in fact. #2 on investigation turned out to be departmental drinkies after work (not strictly necessary, but very useful for work relationships) Again – fuming Julie. #3 No-one knows.  Possibly. Tight-lipped, weak smile –  benefit of the doubt. She just went to bed early and turned to face the wall… Truth is, Max works a long day, managing an enormous call centre with over 200 noisy people… and he kind of likes the calm of coming home to 3 sleeping children. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We can go all feminist about that yep, Julie’s worked hard all week – and deserves a night off. But being REALLY honest…Julie made sure that the ‘one night of the week Daddy’s doing bedtime’ was as taxing as possible. She even taped this list to the fridge (she showed me on her phone) 15 minutes of Frozen Karaoke 3 x Hot Chocolates 3 baths 2 x long hair washed and blow dried 3 x story and teeth 2 x rooms tidied up 3 x homework checked 1 x spellings retested 3 x uniform ironed, hung up ready 3 x school shoes polished 3 x schoolbags packed 3 x lunchboxes packed 1 x table laid for the morning She SO didn’t do all of that every night. (I have seen her tribe all eating chocolate digestives in the car in the morning for breakfast 😉 ) She just wanted to make sure Max knew how hard she was working. So they had it out

Cards on the table

Sorted it out

And if they hadn’t ‘had it out’ they would have carried on
dancing that little dance as they have been for years.

Max – finished a days work…and came home
on Wednesdays to what felt like another one.

So he found ways to avoid it.
Kinda don’t blame him…

Julie – finished a days work in the home –
and just wanted to go out and have well-earned fun.

But she made it such an onerous task…
that she shot herself in the foot.

Who was to blame for him not getting back
in time?

Errr…the pair of them!
(knock their heads together, couple of tinkers)

Julie and Max are cool – they put in the effort,
thrashed out their issue,
and turned out they both needed to accept some
blame.

Blame is effectively
“The inability to take responsibility for your own actions”

It takes effort to accept blame.

Some people blame themselves for everything that
goes wrong in their lives.

Other people blame everyone else.

The REALLY miserable people are the ones that do both.

Here’s what’s trending excuse-wise in
my FB groups:

Give yourself 10 points for each excuse you have used

Top 5 Excuses

“Why I Can’t Lose Weight
and Get into Shape and it’s NOT my fault”:

#1 My husband is never home in time
#2 We haven’t got enough money
#3 No-one in my house will eat healthy food
#4 This is the shape all the women in my family are
#5 I’ve tried everything – nothing works for me

Top 5 Excuses
“Why I Can’t Lose Weight
and Get into Shape and it IS my fault”:

#1 I’m too embarrassed, I’ll look like a goon
#2 I’m too tired
#3 I am useless at that type of thing
#4 I enjoy my food too much
#5 I can’t get up early in the morning

Now Add Up Your Score..

Were yours all in one group?

A bit of both?

If they were all in the first group –
I imagine you are feeling pretty frustrated.

If they were all in the second – then I bet
it makes you feel really sad.

If you had points from both groups, I know you
must be feeling pretty hopeless and desperate
about the whole thing.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

You know that I could write you a convincing
answer to any of them, don’t you?

In fact…I’d put money on the fact that
you even know what I would say.

Anything is sortout-able if you think about it..

And if you want to lose the weight and
get fit and toned.

You know that too, right?

It’s the deciding, creative thinking if necessary
but you’re clever – you’ll sort it out.