Invite the Neighbours Over
I want to start by saying that as I write this, the UK lockdown ended nearly three years ago. Added to a time of tighter pursestrings, I think the connection vibe has changed. ‘OUT out’ happens less often, nightspots have closed, and social anxiety has skyrocketed.
So I don’t want this to feel patronising, and feel free to skip forward if you are out ‘avin’ it large‘ on the regular. However, if you want some tips on ‘expanding your neighbourhood friends’. let’s dive in.
Hopefully, you are regularly exchanging cups of sugar, or whatever people run out of these days, with your postcode twins regularly. If you know lots of your neighbours, invite them round. The more the merrier. Have a great time.
The End.
Or:
I will state for the record that I am from the UK. It’s not one of those nice, friendly parts, like Wales or Leeds. (Both of these startled me beautifully, as people there would randomly strike up warm conversations in Tesco, public lavatories, or on zebra crossings.) But here, on a standard street in a standard English South Coast town, it’s not as easy as all that. So:
How to invite the neighbours to your house for a visit
if you don’t know them very well
(Or if you know some of them and wondered about the others)
Do you ever feel like you live in a bubble, surrounded by strangers who just happen to drive the same way home as you? Or wonder what kind of people they are, what they do for fun, or what kind of crisps they like? Have you said hello hundreds of times when you put the bins out and now it feels weird that you don’t even know their name,
(or maybe they’ve told you once, and you’ve forgotten. Now you’re crushed with embarrassment, and you’ll have to move house or pretend to have suffered a brain injury rather than admit that)
If yes, it’s time to burst the bubble and invite them around to yours. (Without seeming creepy, desperate, or nosy.)
Here are some tips to help you break the ice and make new friends.
1. Employ low-level-stalker-mode.
Before you knock on their door, try to find out some basic information about them. If you’re in a local WhatsApp or Next Door group, it’s a great place to start. If you know their name, you can use social media or even spy on them with binoculars (just kidding, don’t do that). Look for clues about their hobbies, interests, family situations, and preferences. This will help you tailor your invitation and avoid any awkwardness or faux pas. Assume nothing. Gender, family situation – nothing. Be ready to ask more. n.b. especially about ‘when the baby is due’. You know what I’m getting at, most of us have been there.
My story is too crushingly embarrassing to tell, still – and this is roughly 30 years on. That poor woman, I am a fool – don’t be me.
2. Be Friendly and Casual
When you approach them, smile and introduce yourself. Don’t be too formal or pushy. Just say something like “Hi, I’m [your name], I live at __________. I don’t want to be weird, but I realised I’d never said hello – and was wondering if you’d like to come over for a cup of coffee sometime. No pressure, but this is me on Instagram/WhatsApp/Facebook – just drop me a line if you fancy it.”
Or
“Hey, I’m [your name]. I live over the road. I noticed you have a [something they have], and I’m a big fan of [something related]. I was thinking about doing [something relevant] at my place. If that’s not too weird, you’d be really welcome.
My New Year’s resolution was to get to know more people around here, and I’m failing badly! Lol, etc.
British people feel much more comfortable with the reference to the fact that any interaction with someone we don’t know is potentially weird or failing at something. Call it out, and it neutralises almost everything. Keep it simple and genuine.
3. Offer Bribes.
To make your invitation more appealing, you can mention some benefits of crossing your threshold.
“I do a lot of baking”, or “I have a great view of the park from my balcony.”
“I have a doggo called Max, and I know he’d love to say hello to your woofer (obviously only works if you have one)
“I work from home, so if you ever need a parcel taken in, you can absolutely give my address as a trusted neighbour. There’s always someone here.”
You definitely would have had me at – a lot of baking. “I’ll be straight over, running all the way”.
4. Be Flexible and Respectful.
Don’t expect them to accept your invitation straight away. They might be busy, shy, or not in the mood. Give them some options and let them choose what works best for them.
“I’m usually free on weekends, but if weekdays are better for you, and you fancy grabbing a coffee, just let me know.”
“If you prefer to meet somewhere else, like a cafe or a park, that would be lovely too.”
Respect their boundaries and preferences. If they look aghast, back off and let them come to you. Try not to be butt-hurt. You’ve put it out there, and now it’s over to them.
5. Follow up and Confirm.
Once they agree to visit your house, don’t forget to follow up and confirm the details. You can send them a text message or an email a day or two before the planned date. Remind them of the time and place, and ask them if they have any special requests or needs.
“Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday at 2 pm. I was going to get some snacks, do you have any allergies or dietary restrictions?”
6. Be a Good Host.
When they turn up, not to state the obvious – welcome them warmly and make them feel comfortable. Offer them something to drink and eat, and offer to show them around your house (I know that’s odd, but neighbours are pretty much always nosy about each other’s houses). Obviously, clean up if it’s a bit of a sh^t tip but no need to redecorate!
Hoover, clean hand towel ready and no children’s poos floating in the loo, flowers, a fresh pot of coffee on the go. The posh biscuits you hide from the children. All that good stuff.
Have a few topics of conversation, open-ended questions (always with follow-up questions) etc, lined up, in case it goes all tumbleweed.
Top tip from me on this one – you may not agree:
“What do you do for a living?” is a really dull question and is usually asked to pigeonhole people.
What about:
- What do you like best about the area?
- Have you found any great spots?
- What made you choose to live here?
- Where else have you lived?
- What was lockdown like for you?
- Did you learn any new stuff?
- Did you go to school near here?
- What was that like?
Avoid sensitive or controversial subjects like politics, religion, or personal problems. Keep it light and positive until you work out where your mutual weirdnesses are. It’s like a first date, but (probably) without the sexual attraction part. If it goes well: “What are your mum and dad like?” is a slightly more personal, yet not intrusive one that usually sparks great conversation.
7. Enjoy Yourself and Have Fun.
Don’t worry too much about impressing them or making everything perfect. Just be yourself—you’ll never keep anything else up long-term. Humour is always a winner. If you’ve got any funny stories, deploy them now. The more fun you have, the more likely they are to enjoy themselves, too.
8. Say Goodbye and Thank Them.
Not to sweepingly generalise, but Americans are much better at being hosts than British people (as a sweeping generalisation). Decades ago, I visited an American friend (who was living in the UK) at their house, and as I was leaving they gave me a very nice pot plant.
I was perplexed.
“What is this for?”
“To thank you for coming over.”
My brain desperately tried to work out what was happening.
“Umm”
It’s not my birthday, I don’t know what to do. Help. Shook.
“I haven’t got you anything!”
“Don’t panic – it’s normal back in the U.S. You Brits!!”
Ah. Phew.
I thought I’d just slipped into a parallel universe where I didn’t know the rules of anything anymore. It was actually a lovely thing. So, to seal the deal and win the ‘new favourite neighbour award’ as they leave, you could give them something small.
“Thank you so much for coming over. Great to meet you properly finally – this is for you, to say thank you for being brave enough to come over and not think I am a total weirdo for asking”
(The ‘weird’ thing again, trust me – totally works)
9. Keep in Touch and Repeat.
If everything went well, don’t be a one-hit wonder.
Even though you made the first approach (well done, legend), you might have to make the next one too, to get the ball properly rolling. THEN pass it over.
“You choose next time – let me know when you want to do something again”.
Perhaps you can both think about another neighbour to add to this lovely new connection. And then another. Collecting more locals, many of whom would probably be incredibly grateful. Could you start a book club? A babysitting network A ‘Come Dine With Me’ arrangement? A regular film night (at home or at the cinema). Maybe something bigger like a street party in the future – the world is your (local) oyster.
Good luck.
Keep it weird.