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Being Heard > Gender Boxes
Secrets, Lies & The Ideal Man
I want to lead you to uncover some secrets or, maybe more accurately – debunk some lies. Things you probably already suspect, but that makes it no less useful to examine closely. These secrets are not just about you and the way that you think but the system that we are operating in. The way we see other people and the way we judge ourselves accordingly. The ideals of what we are ‘supposed’ to be like. Social media, the wider media and life, in general, tell us that’s how we should be, with their likes, upvotes, hearts and trolling.
There is no fiercer, braver warrior than a keyboard one. Unless, of course, you meet them in person. With AI, deep fakes, unnervingly convincing filters, and the now traditional photoshop/lighting/staging/posing – the average person has no real idea of what the average person looks like anymore.
It’s not just about physical attributes.
It’s about everything.
This is an invitation to take a massive step back and really see what in the fiery heck is going on.
Let’s start with a look at the words to describe the
‘Ideal Man’ and ‘Ideal Woman’.
The answers below were what came up last time we did this in a poll of 6,000 people. As I mentioned, these are the kinds of answers that always come up – whoever and wherever we ask.
let’s start with:
![](https://wiseandgorgeous.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/ideal-man-1-1024x1024.jpg)
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THE IDEAL MAN
How can a chap fit in the Ideal Man box?
When we ask people to describe ‘the Ideal Man’ –
here are the words people use:
- Heterosexual and CIS
- Tall – definitely taller than his female counterpart
- Funny (makes his partner’s friends laugh)
- Loyal (does not flirt with anyone else)
- Does a job with his hands and brain,
- Drinks a little alcohol
(not teetotal, not a big drinker), - Loves music,
- Makes his female partner feel safe,
- Is not feminine,
- Takes less time to get ready than his woman,
- Works hard,
- Brings breakfast in bed,
- Not too perfect (as that would be annoying)
- Loves football
(but doesn’t leave his woman as a football widow) - Has children and is great with them
- Intelligent
- Good in bed (but doesn’t ‘pester’ for sex)
- Witty (but not sarcastic)
- Attentive (but not smothering)
- Family-orientated (but doesn’t spend too much time with his mother)
- Has honorable intentions
- Is a man of his word
- Is not a ‘goody-two-shoes’
- Practices what he preaches
- Is not fat
- Is not thin
- Has just the right amount of muscle (but not be a massive beefcake or too weedy)
- Good communicator
- Romantic
- Reliable
- Thoughtful
- Affectionate (but not soppy)
- Gives his woman butterflies
- A Gentleman
- Loyal
- Positive outlook
- Self-assured
- Not arrogant
- Open with feelings (but not overly emotional)
- Committed
- Understanding
- Good at singing
- Can drive
Ideal Jobs would be:
Pilot, fireman, CEO, Tree surgeon, Doctor.
If he doesn’t fit the descriptions above, he isn’t in ‘the Ideal Man’ box.
You could say he is:
THE UNACCEPTABLE MAN
OK, here’s where it gets uncomfortable.
![](https://wiseandgorgeous.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/unacceptable-man-1-1024x1024.jpg)
We asked what kinds of names he is called if he isn’t in that box. We tasked people with asking their sons, brothers, husbands, male friends, colleagues, etc, to report back the names they have been called. Below are the different derogatory terms people have heard used to describe men who don’t conform to our identified norms.
*I apologise for the strong language; the answers were strongly worded.
‘The Unacceptable Man’.
- Little b^tch
- Cries like a girl
- Skinny
- Runt
- Small Man Syndrome
- TOO nice
- Big girls blouse
- Effeminate
- Wuss
- Weak
- Pathetic
- Waster
- Has ‘B&tch t*ts’.
- Thick
- Loser
- No balls
- Pussy
- Girl
- Faggot
- Bellend
- Gayboy
- Bender
- Needs to ‘Man up’
- Under the thumb
- Arrogant
- Throws d$ck around
- Bully
- Ugly
- Fat
- Lazy
- C^nt
WOW, right?
Some words were much stronger than these, but these are the ones that came up most often.
We’ll move on to the ‘Ideal’ and ‘Unacceptable’ woman next, but let’s take a moment to consider if these words for Ideal and Unacceptable Men ring true for you.
Question 2:
Is this the kind of language you’ve heard levelled at males who fall outside their ‘gender box’?
Do you have any other descriptions you would add that you’ve maybe heard or seen?
How does that make you feel?
Any other thoughts?
Let us know below…
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