Magic in the Madness
The Perfect Christmas… and other Fairy Stories.
Just a Moment, Please
(Like weird Time Travel)
THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS… AND OTHER FAIRY STORIES.
Let’s think Christmas Traditions:
- Midnight Mass,
- Adding figures to the nativity scene,
- Praying before the figure of the baby Christ,
- Carol Concerts,
- Advent Calendars
- Chanting the announcement of the Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ from the Roman Martyrology.
Ahem.
I was brought up a Catholic.
(I’m a rubbish Catholic)\
That list is probably not what sprang to mind, for most people.
Very little of what we do in the name of Christmas, has anything at all to do with the religious.
The rest is tradition.
Things that we do, just because we do them.
At Christmas, there’s a bumper crop of inexplicable nonsense.
Here are 3 examples:
Ugly Christmas Jumpers:
We are in the realm of the post-ironic now with Aldi, Greggs, Lidl, Marmite and Tesco Value jumpers everywhere.
Mines is a boring bottle green, and just says ‘Christmas jumper’ in Comic Sans in small print on the chest.
Made me laugh anyway, but like all the examples above – we are beyond knowing why.
The worse the design and more budget/everyday the brand association the better.
You could argue it’s a statement against the absurdity of high fashion and capitalism..I think it’s just UK bants – in garment form.
Hard to explain to anyone living anywhere sensible.
I’m here for it.
Mistletoe
OK this one, unlike most enduring Christmas traditions – mistletoe’s days are numbered.
If you’re under 35 you have probably not been affected by the Mistletoe tradition and if you’re over 50, statistically -you definitely have been, at some point.
(Probably by a beery letch called ‘Dodgy Stan, the ladies man’, at the pub.TMI?)
Giggidy.
The tradition says that any woman standing under mistletoe,
(real name: viscum album, if you want a great pub quizzing fact)
can be kissed.
If she declines she will be plagued by bad luck – and refusal is the height of bad manners.
Consent, equality, the legacy of Covid… you can see why younger people won’t stand for it, and its sales and usage have been predictably, in decline.
Good riddance mistletoe – women get enough unwanted advances, thank you very much.
(We do keep a sprig or two about, in case Jason Momoa or Kate Moennig decide to pop in, but I’m speaking generally)
Santa Claus
Honestly – where to start?
“Go to bed early children so Santa will visit.”
Aww.
It’s tradition.
The whole ‘old man creeping into children’s bedrooms at night and having them sit on his knee by day, obviously begs some ethical (if not safeguarding) questions.
Especially when that behaviour is everything we warn our children about.
Also the whole conspiracy of lies about what’s going on there.
(See also: Elf on the Shelf, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny)
Also, the fact his clothes were originally green.
(note: it wasn’t actually Coke that made the change to Red, it was before that).
His name was Sinterklaas, Santeclause, and also Father Christmas.
Temporarily Dutch, some earlier depictions of him were topless (and kind of hot),but also an elderly skinny man on a white horse.
Also he was a Greek bishop who whipped children.
But now he’s kind and benevolent, with a big tummy, furry red suit, hat and beard.
He brings everyone Oculus Quests, Scalextric, and Barbie Dream Houses, and has flying reindeer, so that’s alright then.
I did say I am a bit ‘bah, humbug’ – while also loving a party.
So much of what we embrace at Christmas would have 4 “I’m Outs” on Dragon’s Den
(if not, questions about being sectionable under the Mental Health Act) if we invented it today.
I haven’t even mentioned chopping down perfectly good trees and putting them in the living room – covering them in tinsel and lights.
Or pulling crackers with explosives that have to have a terrible joke, and awful tat and a useless hat that must be worn.
- Mince Pies
- Christmas pudding/cake
- Sprouts
(just did a quick poll, most people don’t like those things – but everyone buys them, because we must),
- Turkey
- Pigs in Blankets (pigs wrapped in pigs?),
- Hiding gifts in paper
(people like those so they make more sense, but specifically Christmas?)
- Whammagedon
(to be fair that one’s only 20 years old, but it’s stuck like Gorilla Glue)
- Coca Cola truck.
I saw them queuing.
Toddlers are queuing to look at a lorry.
I know it must be me, but – it is a lorry, isn’t it?
It’s All a Bit of Fun
The point is – none of any of these traditions have an even passing connection to the Christmas Story.
Or make very much logical sense at all.
And we do them anyway – in the name of Christmas.
It’s a collective absurdity, whimsy and silliness – on a massive scale.
AND WE BLOODY LOVE IT
The beautiful part is: if these nonsensical customs can bring joy and unite us year after year, what’s stopping us from creating our own?
Nothing you do will be weirder than that
(the religious stuff included, no offence, religious folk, you do you. But there’s a lot to unpack.)
Create Your Own Traditions
Every tradition, from the opulent to the cutesy, began with someone, somewhere saying:
“OOH, I’ve got an idea”
and it was embraced, caught on, and passed down.
So starting your own is absolutely legit.
Maybe it’s a family bake-off with the most garish, over-the-top Christmas biscuits,
Christmas Eve storytelling session where everyone shares a completely made-up tale,
or a quirky home decoration ritual that involves something entirely non-Christmassy
(imagine a tree bedecked entirely in Harry Potter paraphernalia, Hawaiian Garlands or – as I saw the other day – a completely black one with Satanic/Marilyn Manson/Hallowe’en-themed decorations.)
The point is, there’s no rulebook for this.
It’s not about the historical accuracy or the cultural integrity –it’s about the shared experience, the laughter, and the memories you create
.These moments become the threads that weave the tapestry of your family’s unique story.
Action:
Document your Traditions
You will already have your own family traditions.
Are there any new ones you’d like to start?
Any fun stuff, you’d like to incorporate?
Consider writing them down perhaps in a special family journal
(or notepad).
Imagine future generations reading about the start of these traditions, chuckling at the story, and continuing them with their own families.
It’s a way of leaving a legacy of joy and creativity.
Waving through space and time to your descendants and letting them laugh at your weirdness.
As we do to the ones before.
The magic of Christmas isn’t in doing things by the book.
It’s in the laughter, the silliness, and the love shared in those moments of collective fun.