The Perfect Christmas & Other Fairy Tales
#4 HOW NOT TO LOSE THE PLOT AT CHRISTMAS
(5 little tips)
Mental health services can predict when life is going to get particularly hectic for them throughout the year;
- Winter (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD),
- Back-To-School/School Breaking up,
- Exams,
- Economic or Social Crises,
- and Christmas –
are the big surges.
Currently, even if you are generally in good mental health, you will still be feeling the extra stress of at least one of those, (unless you took the Christmas Caribbean cruise option, you lucky thing).
If you struggle a bit, then planning to manage the Christmas stress with a clear strategy makes absolute sense.
If you don’t struggle – then it’s worth it anyway, so you can continue to feel great.
Expectations vs. Reality:
Images of the perfect, cosy, and harmonious Christmas gathering, are burned in your psyche – fact.
We’ve been bombarded with that since we were little, and now it’s fever pitch.
The pressure to create a flawless day, combined with the chaos of guests, food timing, non-stop jobs and children’s excitement, can lead to friction.
Add ‘day drinking’ into that mix, and the cocktail can be explosive.
Even the contrast between our idealised expectations and the actual experience can cause stress by itself.
Especially when someone is snoring/breaking wind on the settee and you are loading the dishwasher for the 3rd time.
The principle still applies whether you’re spending Christmas alone, with friends, or with lovely/ungrateful/wonderful/cantankerous family members.
Tip 1:
‘It is what it is’.
One psychological approach – inspired by dialectical behaviour therapy, (and also seen in Buddhism and mindfulness),
is called Radical Acceptance.
This means acknowledging the reality of a situation, even if it’s sh^tty, unfair, annoying, or painful.
It doesn’t necessarily mean approving or feeling neutral about it.
You might still hate it.
But you purposely decide to accept you can’t change it – set it aside – and focus on what you can control.?
Action 1:
Understand and accept where you DO have control in your life.
While you can’t control other people’s behaviour during Christmas, you can anticipate and manage your own reactions.
Tedious and naggy though that sounds,
it really is worth wrapping your head around.
Set clear boundaries and plan how to communicate your preferences gracefully (i.e. saying what you want without having to screech like a fishwife), and in advance..
Prepare for worst-case scenarios and have game plans ready.
Hopefully, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Tip 2:
Cross the Hurdles in Advance.
Reflect on what you usually do to manage stress at Christmas -and consider whether those things are helpful, unhelpful or even harmful.?
Action 2:
Identify strategies that may have outlived their usefulness, things like overdrinking, overspending, perfectionism, or self-isolation.Think about potential hurdles – triggers that prompt you to do something unhelpful:A potential person, situation, task, subject matter, etc,Current plan:
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, I NORMALLY……
Work out what you will do instead, so you can’t be thrown off-guard:Plan B:
NEXT TIME THAT HAPPENS, I WILL ……. INSTEAD.
Keeping an elastic band on your wrist to ping when you feel stress rising, is a great reminder to deploy your Plan B.
Tip 3
Reverse the Roles
If your role in family or social gatherings no longer suits you, consider experimenting with new roles or allowing others to step into your old one.
Examples:
If they expect you to be the life and soul and start the games etc, and you know you’re always knackered by then – don’t.
(You’re better than that)
If a certain family member knows that teasing you always gets a rise out of you – don’t take the bait.
- Smile sweetly
- Walk away
- Change the subject
- Do something different
If you are expected to cook everything (or it’s just how it’s been done), change the setup.
Perhaps everyone brings/cooks something, or you go out to eat, or buy it as pre-prepared as possible.?
Action 3
Surprise Them
Act differently from what others expect, or leave space for someone else to fulfil a role you’ve outgrown.
Or outright tell them you’re not doing it this time and ask who wants to step up and take the reins.
This doesn’t mean disregarding what other people want, but simply stating what you want and need in advance.
Tip 4:
Zoom Out
Put yourself in other people’s shoes.
Take a moment to consider how Christmas would be experienced from the perspective of each of the other people you’ll be spending it with.?
Action 4:
Close your eyes and work out how to inject some joy into the day for someone else.
Perhaps the most easy-to-please, low-maintenance, go-with-the-flow person – they tend to get the least attention.
Make a few notes on how to delight that person, in particular.
This shift in focus will significantly reduce the pressure of meeting your own Christmas expectations, and feel delicious.
Tip 5
Be Nice:
Be gentle with yourself, especially if things don’t go as planned.
Action 5:
Remember that Christmas can be intense, and mistakes happen.
Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer to a good friend.
It doesn’t have to be a ‘perfect Christmas’ to be worth celebrating.
Embrace the imperfections, and remember that being human means occasional cockups.
And cockups, handled with humour, always make the best stories and memories.