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Exercise 4: Location, Location, Location
QUICK RECAP
Technique 1
‘Question with a Question’:
Escape the Freeze response by asking a question.
Technique 2
‘Context’
Deciding on a soft vs. strong response, depending on the situation.
This is the 3rd and final Technique:
Location
This is for when people say things that aren’t outright offensive – but they could be taken that way.
Over time, the effects of these “harmless” comments, or “just bants” build up. It puts you on edge – but it doesn’t seem serious enough to complain about.
Let’s say your boss keeps dropping borderline insulting comments.
Your frustration builds, and eventually, you either blow your top – or walk out.
In this situation, they might have ‘innocently’ misjudged things.
Or they might have meant to throw you off balance.
Either way, the unacceptable behaviour goes unchecked and they carry on.
No one wins.
So this exercise adds one final layer to seal the deal – particularly for when messages aren’t clear.
The framework:
- Location (ask what they are really saying)
- Verify (check if they agree)
- Follow-up Statement (get them to clarify)
How it looks in practice:
1. LOCATION:
“It seems like (your observation).
2. VERIFICATION:
Follow with:
“Is that true?”
Combining location + verification means they are under the spotlight and have to reply.
3. FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
Now, flip the spotlight, and ask the REAL question!
Example 1 – Sleazy Interviewer
“You need to prove to me that you really want this job.”
Location:
“It seems like you’re suggesting I need to do something inappropriate for this job.
Verify:
Is that true?”
“NO, that’s not what I meant at all!”
Follow-Up Question
“Do you see how it could sound like that?”
Backhanded Compliments
Backhanded compliments are another good example of ambiguous communication, and a trifle more complicated.
You might need to bust out 2 location statements to cover it.
Example 2 – Colleague:
“You’re finally dressing to flatter your shape.”
1. Location:
“It seems like you approve of my outfit, but also like you’re judging my previous choices, or my body.
2. Verify:
“Is that true?”
“NO – I just thought you look nice, today”.
3. Follow Up Question:
“Why do you think you are so focused on my appearance?”
Example 3 – Patronising Relative:
“With all your qualifications, you could be doing something meaningful with your life.”
Location:
“It sounds like you see potential in me, yet you think I’ve wasted my time until now.”
Verify:
“Is that true?”
“NO – I just meant I thought you’d might enjoy something else more!”
Follow Up:
Why do you think I wouldn’t find meaning in my current line of work?
Exercise 4
Have a go at crafting your own ‘location, verification, and follow-up’ statements, for the following:
- “When I found out you were a hairdresser, I didn’t expect you to be that articulate.”
- “You’re not my usual type, but I find you interesting.”
- “I’m so glad you changed your hair, this colour is so much better than the old one.”
- “Interesting choice; I wouldn’t have gone that way myself.”
- “You’re pretty confident for someone of your age and experience.”
- “Thanks for getting that back to me so fast, it will have to do for now.”
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