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Light vs. Heavy
Exercise 3: Calibrating Your Answers
You’ve practiced not answering unwanted questions directly;
firing another question straight back – to keep control of the conversation.
This next part adds a layer of finesse.
Deciding whether to be gentle and playful, or harsher and more direct.
What you choose will depend on the situation and how comfortable you feel.
Some examples:
Q1: “So, are you married?”
- Light Touch Scenario: After smashing an interview for that dream job.
- Alternative Questions: “Are there lots of married colleagues in this team?” or “Does my marital status make a difference for this?”
- Heavy Touch Scenario: Getting ready for a massage.
- Alternative Questions: “Is this an appropriate question for now?” or “Don’t you think that’s a bit personal for this setting?”
Q2: “Are you going to have children?”
- Light Touch Scenario: While having fun with a friend’s children.
- Alternative Questions: “Don’t you think I’m enough of a big kid as it is?” or “That’s probably a conversation for another time, don’t you think?”
- Heavy Touch Scenario: You’re on a first date, and age has come up.
- Alternative Questions: “Why does that matter?” or “Isn’t that a bit personal for now?”
Q3: “What are your sexual fantasies?”
- Light Touch Scenario: On a date that’s going well.
- Alternative Questions: “Whoah there tiger, don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself?” or “We’ve only just met – why ask that now?”
- Heavy Touch Scenario: After you’ve had to deal with inappropriate behaviour at work.
- Alternative Questions: “Are you happy for me to let HR know you’ve asked that?” or “Is that your idea of professional conversation?”
Q4: “What do you do for a living?”
- Light Touch Scenario: At a party when you’re trying to relax.
- Alternative Questions: “Why do you ask?” or “Do you fancy talking about something other than work tonight?”
- Heavy Touch Scenario: When someone interrupts your knowledgeable discussion.
- Alternative Questions: “Is that question interesting enough to interrupt me for?” or “Do you doubt my expertise?”
Q5: “Why do you always have to be so emotional?”
- Light Touch Scenario: During a family discussion about chores.
- Alternative Questions: “Do you think expressing concerns is being emotional?” or “Isn’t it better to communicate openly?”
- Heavy Touch Scenario: In a meeting, when you’re addressing someone’s off-topic remarks.
- Alternative Questions: “Are we confusing professionalism with emotion here?” or “How can we stay focused on the topic?”
Adjusting your response according to the situation helps you navigate conversations effectively, ensuring you can guide them towards a positive outcome or stand your ground when necessary.
Which of these situations did you find most challenging to handle?
Do you find you default to a heavy or lighter touch?
Exercise 3
Practice answering the questions
(or indeed any slightly inappropriate questions you can think of) with;
- A light touch, and
- A heavy touch.
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