The Spotlight Round-Up
We looked at why it’s important to practice sitting in the perceived discomfort of hearing NO.
How to handle that uncomfortable, unwanted moment in the Spotlight, with Urbaniak calls: The Freeze.
We learned and practiced using two tools:
- Turning the Spotlight
- Location
and considered context; using:
- light and heavy touches
Get confident with those 3 things – and the game changes.
This is not about one-upmanship, being aggressive or sarcastic.
The goal isn’t to embarrass anyone, or practice sarcastic comebacks.
The goal of all of this is to react better under the spotlight,
to make things fair, and to set a good example.
We started this by looking at historical disparity in Gender Boxes.
Gender inequality, is an example we can all get our heads around.
But we know bullying and intimidation come in all shapes and sizes,
- Women can bully their husbands,
- Children can bully their parents,
- The predatory colleague can be any gender, orientation, rank or persuasion.
It’s not as neatly cut and dried as all that.
Unfairness can be found in every interaction of any human with another.
This is about a level playing field.
Teaching through example.
Changing one mind, one behaviour at a time.
This is how we can teach people around us to treat us the way we want to be treated.
Every time you are subjected to an unfair power dynamic, and you don’t stand for it, you teach the people around you.
When you speak up for yourself, you speak for others who maybe haven’t got your courage together yet. The ones who haven’t quite got to the ‘enough is enough’ stage.
When you provide an unexpected response to a person who normally acts a certain way. that person begins to expect the unexpected.
They stop taking things for granted and have to find new ways to behave around other people.
You start to help them change their own behaviour.
Calmly, without shouting, getting angry – or calling the manager…
It gives you a chance to speak.
To calmly make the situation clear.
To identify and clarify the intentions of others.
To avoid jumping to incorrect conclusions
As you become better and more comfortable with these methods, find it easier to be funny, kind, and playful.
(even in moments that used to make you feel offended, caught off guard, or upset)
You become less suspicious, more curious, and interested in what makes people tick. You’ll be able to diffuse tricky situations without compromising your values.
To influence another person, we must be able to see them clearly.
When you can calmly describe what see, the other person has the opportunity to understand their own behaviour.
They might amend it, they might not.
Either way, we reclaim our power, stay true to ourselves and become a role model for others.