2020, eh?
Sheesh.
I’ve been really thinking about why I haven’t freaked out as much as lots of people have.I think the reality is – I had my own 2020 in 2016.(and a mini-extended one over the 2019-last month)The talk that I bust out on stage, begins with me saying ‘3 women stuck their finger up my bum and not one has phoned me since’
Long story which I will pick out a little bit of
Mid 2016:
I spent 3 months not knowing whether the enormous brain tumour they found …. was going to kill me or not in the next few months.
Oh and I also was told I had pretty active Multiple Sclerosis which was accelerating fast.
I was teaching dance classes and fitness so it was all a bit WTF???Not ideal.So I just had to wait.So much uncertainty.
- Would I die in before Christmas?
- Would I be in a wheelchair soon?
- Would I lose my sight, hearing, cognitive function?
They were all the things in the leaflets the doctor sent me away with.
And that was without the brain tumour business hitting the fan.
I suppose the other question about that was why people kept sticking their fingers up my bum…
I’ll get back to that soon.
I had a pretty ‘uncertain’ kind of childhood.
Lots of moving about, different schools and so on.
Change wasn’t unusual, and I was a bolshy little thing so I learned to get stuck in and collect friends and have a laugh along the way.
Turned out to be great training on the topic of uncertainty.
In 2016 people would say “Oh my God, you’re so strong…” “how do you keep going” and things like that.
Which was all very nice for the ego.
But actually it was fine, I kept things normal, did all my usual healthy-type things and DIDN’T GOOGLE symptoms.
But the point of it.
It’s 2020.
That’s 4 years ago now.
I didn’t die of a brain tumour.
I am not in a wheelchair – I might be one day… but not today.
(I even entered the UKs strongest woman competition earlier this year)as a general sticking my tongue out and flicking a middle finger to wheelchairs and stuff.
I didn’t come last… not quite last, anyway ๐
I had to wear a mask on and off for a couple of years when they nuked me with chemo.
I had to avoid crowds.
I couldn’t touch surfaces.
I didn’t know whether things would be OK.
Then there were reactions to the drug that were way worse than the chemo itself which were like the DEFINITION of uncertainty.
(That’s quite a good story too)
I’m not saying this to be showy-offy, and I realise that I am really lucky.
But, 2020 for me has at most had me slightly raising one cynical eyebrow and saying“yeah… doesn’t surprise me’.
My life has lots of ridiculous stories sprinkled like confetti (which I am sure yours has)
Most have them have an embarrassing component – not all of them re: bum fingering.
Quite often I’ll have an existential moment during them and think: ‘ooh this is going to make a great blog’…while other people are losing their shit.
I’ll try and get round to as many as possible of the useful ones.
It’ll be the same with your ridiculous stories.
They always tool you up with something helpful to other people.
With this particular part of this particular story – the useful thing was ‘ how to deal with uncertainty’
Even the batshit crazy 2020 Season Finale type uncertainty
So here’s my Top #5
‘Dealing With Uncertainty’ Tips.
1. Tighten Your Nuts.
You’ve heard the phrase ‘The Wheels Falling Off’ to describe something in life falling apart/going wrong/descending into chaos?
This one is about preempting that.
Knowing that the sh^t will indeed hit that fan at some point, dealing with things BEFORE that happens is going to make you more able to deal with it.
In my case, I already kept fit, ate well – all the usual boring/necessary things, so rather than rolling around wailing “Woe Is Me’ –
I doubled down on that.
For you –
- do you need to learn some stress-reducing techniques?
- Get fitter?
- Sort out your sleep?
- Sort out the clutter?
- Get a family diary in place?
- Make some appointments?
- Call the person you’ve been putting off speaking to?
- Set up a chore list for the family.
Those things that are niggling and slowing you down now – might just be the things that are the last straw if you are seriously tested.
2. Don’t expect – Plan.
This may be a bit British of me – but even as an annoyingly optimistic person, I know:
a) The worst case scenario rarely happens.
b) Being over optimistic sets you up for disappointment.
This doesn’t mean you have to sit back and let life happen to you, but you can have a plan for a general direction.
This way – even if you hit snags and have to take U-Turns… you still know where you’re headed, even if it wasn’t exactly how you expected to get there.
If you don’t make a plan – you won’t get there.
You won’t.
It shouldn’t be set in stone, and you shouldn’t be too attached to the specifics.
But knowing largely what you want, and by when, means you can reverse engineer how you’ll get there.
Even if you change your mind and make a whole new plan at some point.
It will put you in the driver’s seat, rather than the other bugger
(who actually made a plan that you fell into line with.)
3. What CAN you do?
We’ve all been presented with masses of NOs.Variably over the months we’ve been told…
- You can’t go to your friend’s house.
- You can’t see your parents.
- You can’t go in shops without a mask.
- You can’t go to work.
- (Unless you have double the work)
- You can’t send your children to school.
- You can’t get your hair done.
- You can’t go to the gym
- You can’t go to a festival/concert/cinema/anything fun.
The weather has been exceptionalSo you CAN
- Go for amazing walks
- Visit the beach
- Discover new places
- Climb Hills
- Learn practically anything online
We’ve walked 50km a week and made a home gym out of hilarious bits and pieces.
The neighbours think it amusing.
When I was having treatment the list of things I could eat for about half the year was hilariously small.
(And I’m also one of those annoying Vegans)
So that meant I was left with Avocados and Vegetables.
(that’s a slight exaggeration, but only slight)
My God do I know some amazing avocado recipes now…
The point is – when things go South and for whatever reason you CAN’T do something……work out what you CAN do.
There is ALWAYS something and if you can’t think of what – write to me and I bet I find something.
4 You are not Mystic Hecking Meg.
Most people flippy-floppy between growling about things that happened in the past,and fretting about things that haven’t happened yet.
As in #1 the stuff you worry about rarely actually happens
(I didn’t die or go lose the use of stuff, even though they said I might)
and the stuff that does go wrong usually comes out of nowhere.
The past stuff – you can’t do anything about that so leave it alone, already.
And the future stuff – well did you see this year coming?
See.
This is your life THIS MOMENT. NOW.
Enjoy what there is.
Tomorrow doesn’t come with a guarantee.
5. Take a step back.
Lastly, rather than just FEELING your feelings, take a look at them.
(If you were coming along for hypnotherapy I might actually have you see this… for realsies)
There’s a great big screen, let’s say a drive-thru.
And you have the remote control.
You settle in with your popcorn, the screen lights upand the Special Feature this evening is…
YOU.
Imagine you there, 20 feet tall on the screen – reacting to that thing that’s giving you negative feelings.
Use the remote control and turn down the volume.
That’s better.
Take a look – what is she feeling?
What is her body doing?
Shoulders hunched?
Frowning?
What do you think the subtitles would show underneath?
Can you name the feeling?
Why you’re feeling it?
Turn the volume up – (not too loud)
What is she saying?Is it definitely true?
Do you think if you tuned in tomorrow/a week from now/2 months from now… would it still be the same.
Take a moment to really observe that feeling.
Can you turn the sound down again, the colour, the brightness, the contrast..
Make the screen smaller.
Shrink it down to the size of a phone screen.
Can you drop your shoulders, unclench your fist, soften your facial muscles and smooth out the feeling?
Make it calmer?
How does it look now?
Mindfulness teaches you the habit of taking a step back to observe your feelings.
When you observe them – you can put them into the correct perspective.
Deal with them and manage them differently.
Above all – know that everything can… and will – change!
Life really is like a river that keeps on moving.
Sometimes it’s grey and full of shopping trolleys and used condoms,other times its crystal clear and you can jump in and enjoy how wonderful it all is.
Laying in bed worrying about what might happen next,is going to rob you from the energy you need for your next adventure.
Or even to notice and enjoy the wonderful moments you do get.
If you like this type of thing – make sure you join us in >> Wise & Gorgeous: Inner Circle – itโs fun, we put our most useful stuff there – and everyone is lovely.