I’ve just been to the bank.
A lovely old man there started up a conversation with me said I looked like his granddaughter, and showed me the pictures.
Actually he was being rather generous…But I could see what he meant.
He said: “she’s just as fun with her daughter as I’ve just watched you being with your little girl -Lovely to watch”
(fact is, we have got into a little routine of drawing moustaches on our fingers and holding them up to our noses. Funnier than it sounds…you had to be there)
Was a really lovely thing to say – made me smile.
Made me think.
When people do something nice for you.. a kind word, help, present, smile, make you laugh
It’s as though you’ve had a payment into your account.
And it is a helpful way for YOU to think about everything you do too…
BANK all those positive emotional deposits…and work out what is drawing down from that.
At the bank went through and cancelled a whole host of Internet and direct debit payments for things I never use. £7 here, £12 there… and it added up to a terrifying shed load.
Then there was a damn big websitey type payment. I KNEW I had to get rid of it.
I was paying for some software that really didn’t suit my purposes any more, but it was going to be such a pain to redownload all the things that were stored there. (Hadn’t made copies – lesson learned)
It just took some hard graft to get the things down from the software I was paying for and up to the better value thing!
All day actually, and 2 telephone haggles.
I knew the problem was there.. Eating into my monthly earnings. And I kept putting it off…
And another month’s payment was about to go through
Sod it.
Did it!
All sorted, and (smug face), I will get the benefits immediately – and no more payment.
Long term problems, even the little niggling ones, are essentially the same as those Internet payments; a nuisance to sort out, but once they have – you are free to enjoy ALL the rewards for your efforts.
Not just the little bit you have left over..
In The Project
This is the way we look at things.
Take them apart – look at them carefully… What we do, what we think, what we eat, how we are, how we interact, how we sleep..how we feel
And put them back together in a way that gives you a positive balance. (And no emotional overdraft charges)
In the meantime…..
5 THINGS
When you FOCUS on problems – You’ll HAVE more problems.
When you FOCUS on possibilities – You’ll HAVE more opportunities…
The magic happens when we can accept personal responsibility for the way we are in the world, our behaviour and the outcomes.
Not always easy – when it is human nature to pass the buck….
We’re hard-wired for that. It is a powerful thing to get a grip and DIRECT things rather than being swept along as an observer of your own life, this is the key to making changes.
So how on Earth to get started, shift gear and get things moving?
1. Accept where you are right now!
Only when you see things as they really are – warts and all – can you move to somewhere else.
Knowing where you are lets you see how far you might have to go and the best direction to take.
Facing it head on. Not hiding.
2. Pay Attention
To what you think and feel and do – to sort the important from the irrelevant.
Stop and analyse it.
If it’s important – even write it down. Like an exam revision card, can you frame what’s going on really simply?
Can you get it down to its CORE components? It sounds daft but laid out on paper in front of you can often give you a while new perspective. Makes you deal with FACTS – rather than your feelings about things, which distorts reality
“What’s happening?”
“Why is that happening?”
“What do I do to make this happen”
“What parts of the situation are beyond my control”
“What could I do to bring it under my control”
“What do I FEEL about the answers above?”
“How do I react – what’s the emotion?”
Being analytical gives you the chance to be really honest with yourself about things and the way that you react as life comes at you. See the loops and circles you travel in. Importantly, it lets you clearly see the stuff that ties you to where you are,
to the thoughts and actions that create ‘ruts’ and ‘habits’ that hold you back from progressing
Tiny changes to build on successes one at a time, hour by hour, day by day, choice by choice, action by action
These changes that slowly erode the stuck areas and carve out better, more fulfilling ways live and respond.
3. Stop blaming yourself
Seriously. Enough already.
There Is a lot to be said for chucking out kindness and compassion to everyone else but what about you?
Self-Blame doesn’t change the past – it just leads to SHAME
SHAME will hold you back; making you amplify and dwell on your imperfections – paralysing you before you even begin.
Acknowledge who you are, ALL the bits – all the things you are proud of (like being a fantastic mum) and the bits that you are not.
We started with ACCEPTANCE and you will need it for all of this.
Stop blaming others, this is as important as not holding blame for yourself – unchecked this can disguise itself as an excuse for inaction on your part.
It is not always possible to control all that happens to us or around us,
but you can begin to take responsibility for how we respond.
4. Forgive yourself for not being perfect
Forgiveness doesn’t change the past either, but it can unlock the potential of the future – let go of imperfections and mistakes and move on.
Seriously.
We’ve all made mistakes.
We’ve all had people around us who have.
People we still love.
Acknowledge mistakes and learn what you can from them – but please don’t drag them around with you.
They can become a cupboard full of sh^tty sticks to beat yourself up with….every time you think you have messed up.
It makes it harder to get up, dust off and start over.
5. Face your fears.
Anxiety stops you in your tracks, ties you down and holds you back.
It is not easy to look fear in the face and push through but it is essential to gradually expose yourself to the areas that make you uneasy to the downright scary stuff.
It is NEVER AS HARD AS YOU THINK.
Having a filling? The worst bit is the journey there…
Learn to challenge the thoughts that you have.
Thoughts are often just judgements, guesses and preconceptions.
THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS
Try this:
Hold in your mind’s eye,
in as much detail as possible what it will look and feel like:
when you have got hold of the worry …..and got to where you want to get.
Whether it is;
Weight loss, achieved / Anxiety, gone / Sleep patterns, sorted / Eating well, mastered
Whatever is the other side of YOUR painful issue, Close your eyes and picture it…to the smallest detail.
What are you wearing, where will you be, what will you say to people. What will it FEEL like?
What will be DIFFERENT?
Start with tiny changes and remember to celebrate any little changes in the right direction
Celebrating your successes isn’t just bragging it cements and reinforces your positive behaviour in your brain.
And makes it easier next time.
ACTUAL
SCIENCE
FACT
Make the decision to not to be a passenger anymore, to jump into Jeremy Clarkson’s empty seat. Emotional Sat-Nav programmed… Take the wheel.
Be your own co-driver too, full of helpful advice, honesty and kindness to make sure you get there in one piece.
…and give yourself cheesy high fives all the way around.
Enjoy Today
xxx